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Can you cope?Feb 04 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line All feelings are ok and normal. Don't forget the Dad. Please be careful on what you say to others that have a miscarriage. In this epinion I am not going to hold back anything as far as all the feelings I have had, there is a chance some of the feelings may offend some people. I am truly sorry for this. I want others that read this because they are going through it,know if they have these feelings it is not abnormal. This is something I would never have imagined when I found out in December that I was indeed pregnant, I would be writing about in February. I actually miscarried the baby on January 22nd. I then had to have a D&C on January 25th.I guess I am still numb in many ways. We had a ultra sound on the 20th so I knew before I actually miscarried what was going to happen. The baby was only measuring 6 weeks 6 days. This is not good for what should be right at 11 weeks, almost past the danger zone. Our Baby Z is what we all called the baby, we buried. Baby z has a head stone hand carved by Daddy. I could not find the right flower to put there until this evening almost 2 weeks later. I put a beautiful pink bud rose there. We will plant flowers all around as soon as weather permits. Our church, the United Methodist religion does have a service for miscarriage. I was really surprised to find this out. We did not use this service but others of the United Methodist Church might not know that this is an option, and may need it to help with the grief. I am grateful for the time I had pregnant. I believe it was meant to be . I believe the baby helped me manage through a time I might not have with every thing else going on in my life. Baby Z helped me through the holidays that I would have probably been upset with because of the absence of my oldest son. I know if the baby didn't make it chances are something was genetically wrong with the baby. Does that make the loss easier or better? No it doesn't. I have been sad, I have been angry, I have been mad at GOD. Not just for this miscarriage but many things in my life. The Bible says God will not put more on you than you can handle. A loss like this on top of so many other things. As all of us know when it rains it pours. I feel like at times God won't give me more than I can handle but he will hold me right on the edge of falling off that cliff. My pastor has reassured me that God loves me. I know that if my husband loved me this way I would be out of here. She also reassures me it is ok to be angry with God. I am glad to know this because if not, I am in deep trouble. She says at least I am communicating with him even if it is anger. What about all those the people who really care? They mean well they truly do. I just wish sometimes they wouldn't say a thing. God's will, and God's way is the perfect way, is one sentence I wanted to choke on. I am very glad I knew the person really well that said that, because I know he truly has a heart of gold. I also know he loves our family and has been here for us.Most people have been really good and just said I am sorry and if there is anything I can do. This is wonderful. I can handle this.The people that didn't know what to say said exactly that, and gave a hug. I also think depending on how close you are to the person is how much you can say and what you should say. Now the forgotten person in all this. What about DAD? He has lost a baby too. Even I didn't think Dad would take it as hard as he has. He has actually taken it harder than I have. He saw a baby in the grocery store yesterday and almost cried right there in the store. I also started taking care of a friends baby because she is 22 weeks pregnant and on bed rest, and has a son a year old. I did not realize how hurt he would be by this. Or how angry it would make him. He broke down and told me last night it wasn't fair. We just buried our baby and they want you to take there one year old every day so she doesn't have to fool with him. That is not all of the case she is on bed rest but most days her husband is there all day then the baby sleeps most of the evening. I know he doesn't really mean it but it just shows me how truly hurt he is. I didn't even consider this when I told them I would do this. So I was very guilty of not considering how Dad would feel.  |
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