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Choosing Socks is no Laughing MatterFeb 11 '01 (Updated Feb 15 '01) Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line The fate of the feet of the world stands (or falls) on how well we (the epinions community) are able to address this pivotal and crucially important question. Thanks to the incredibly enlightened folks at epinions we finally have the opportunity to address this important and vastly under appreciated problem. The real quandary here is not how to choose socks, but the necessity to accept the heartbreaking realization that there really aren’t any choices when it comes to choosing socks. Sadly, socks have been left completely behind during the giddy period of change that has characterized the recent technological revolution. Let’s face it socks have remained a thoroughly “low tech” industry. Background Socks first became popular immediately prior to the Civil War, and amazingly there has only been one brief period of reform and change in the sock industry in the last one hundred and fifty years. During the 30’s and 40’s a handful of forward thinking footwear engineers forced the staid and complacent international sock manufacturers to confront the industry’s failure to keep pace with the gains made in every other manufacturing sector during the industrial revolution. After a brief period of intense resistance, the sock Luddites were defeated and socks made with synthetic fibers like nylon and rayon joined the traditional cotton and wool socks that had completely dominated the sock market for almost one hundred years. Sheep ranchers and cotton growers spent a fortune fighting the change. Lobbyists working secretly for the cotton and wool producers corrupted hundreds of honest congressmen and senators in their quest to stifle innovation and preserve the status quo. Only the outbreak of World War II deflected the attention of the nation from this titanic struggle. By the time the war was finally won, synthetic socks had made tremendous (and un-reversable) advances in the footwear market place. Unfortunately, since 1945 there hasn’t been a single technological improvement or consumer driven innovation in the sock industry. Few industries have more problems than the international sock industry. Among the most pressing are the following; it is almost impossible to keep “pairs” of socks together, choosing socks in a darkened room (to avoid awakening a sleeping spouse) often leads to socks of similar but subtly different colors being worn as a pair (this has led to the embarrassment and mortification of millions of otherwise intelligent and successful individuals and hundreds of thousands of wrecked careers), and finally, the sock industry’s evil profit driven planned obsolescence, which results in the toes wearing out long before the rest of the sock. What Can We Do? Fortunately, we here at epinions are not obliged to stand for this sort of industry-wide refusal to consider the needs of consumers. Do an internet search of “socks” and you will not find even one high tech site dedicated to upscale footwear. Not a single opportunity to buy socks on line, absolutely no offerings on e-bay (how can it be possible that Brittney Spears hasn’t left even one pair of socks behind somewhere in her travels?) and finally, and possibly most telling, not even one entrepreneurial start-up offering exciting and different “new age” or high tech socks. What can be done to overcome this ridiculous lack of innovation? I believe that we here at epinions are in a unique position to pool our resources and take over the international sock industry. I suggest that we, the epinions community, pool our income share for the coming month and start our own mega sock company. Think of the innovations that a group of inter-net and technology savvy “epinionators” can offer the tired and neglected feet of the world. Major sock problems can be easily overcome through “out of the box” thinking and cutting edge technology. First the problem of keeping pairs of socks together is so easy it is amazing that no one has thought of it before. Simply add a small hearing aid battery and a tiny electro-magnet to each sock, when you remove your socks at days end, just drop them to the floor and the magnets will automatically attach them to each other neatly and instantly for fast efficient wash-day retrieval (no more drawers full of mis-matched socks) the early toe wearout problem is simply and permanently defeated by adding a tough wear resistant new toe section woven of hair thin stainless steel threads, and finally choosing socks in a darkened bedroom will no longer hold the terror of later workplace embarrassment (not to mention career de-railment) or the irritation of waking a whining spouse since the socks will be magnetically “paired” New Technology There would, of course, be a short period of adjustment, since there has been no progress or innovation in the sock industry in more than fifty years. However, I genuinely believe that everyone will quickly get used to the minor irritation of attracting small bits of metal to their lower legs (bottle caps and the like would be the most serious difficulty) A nationwide anti-litter campaign with full media coverage (underwritten by epinions in appreciation of our many contributions) could quickly outlaw discarding small metallic objects. A somewhat more difficult obstacle would be the airline industry, and their overly zealous security fixation. Obviously the stainless steel toes in millions of “new age” socks would wreak absolute havoc with airport metal detectors, not to mention the tiny electro-magnetic sock circuits that would send the U. S. DOT’s sophisticated “terrorist” bomb detection hardware into overdrive. In the final analysis these are small frustrations when weighed against the very real benefits of improved footwear, an expanded selection, and more comfortable socks. Conclusion In conclusion, let me suggest that all profits from this exciting new venture could be altruistically donated to ending world hunger, or to fund serious research into ways to overcome the final lingering sock problem, foot odor. Disclaimer I know absolutely nothing about the international sock industry, all facts and historical references quoted are fictitious and are used solely for the purpose of allowing the author to poke fun at one of epinions "silly" new topics.  |
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