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Re: 113 ratings (Reply to this comment)
by Lobstergirl
I think most of the Bible Belt has blocked me. They know I love the NH's and they refuse to give me the satisfaction. They will go to Hell for it.
Thanks for the canonization....it's a rare achievement for us Protestants.
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Feb 28 '03
12:37 am PST
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113 ratings (Reply to this comment)
by trust12345
and only one measly Not Helpful! Tisk, tisk. I would have thunk you'd have the Bible Belt up in arms with this one, but they caved in to the pressure or ignored this. Shame on them. Shame shame shame shame.
Whenever I need my kind of uplift, I turn toward thee, O Saint Lobster. You are hereby canonized.
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Feb 21 '03
11:57 pm PST
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Oops. (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
This past Valentine's Day, I had my two girlfriends recreate the scene from American Beauty in the Olive Garden with thousands of vials of cryogenically frozen sperm. Later, Al Gore came through my open bedroom window and stole them both away... If only I'd come here first...
monkey
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Mar 13 '01
12:30 pm PST
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Oh yes... (Reply to this comment)
by nathsmom
The 2 Fer Olive Garden coupon. Man, that's bad
But have you ever ever had a guy try to pay for your meal with Canadian Tire money? That's cold.
Brilliant review, as always Lobstergirl.
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Feb 27 '01
11:57 am PST
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I avoid (Reply to this comment)
by Horswispr
that not so fresh feeling at all costs. My mule runs the house, though.
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Feb 24 '01
1:05 pm PST
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observationally challenged (Reply to this comment)
by zzJulia
loved the part about getting a card. I'm still training my husband on that...if I get a "Happy Birthday to My Nephew" card this year--he's in big trouble.
-Juls
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Feb 20 '01
1:26 pm PST
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So, what do you get for a V-Day first date? (Reply to this comment)
by martytdx
I was tossing around the ideas, but was struggling to find that 'perfect gift' for that first date, which happened to be on Valentine's Day:
- a blender
- The Collected Poetry of Alfred Packer
- Isotoner gloves
- William Shatner's Favorite Love Songs
- Weight Watcher's Diet Skim-Milk Chocolates
- "1,001 uses for Jell-O in Your Sex Life"
- Coupons for Happy Meals at "Chicken Hut"
In the end, I decided to use the coupons, take her back to my place to blend up an herbal shake with the chocolates and Jell-O, put on the Captain and read the poetry. Sadly, she ran screaming from the house.
What did I do wrong?
Funny stuff - and I need a laugh today. Thanks for providing it, Lobstergirl.
-- Marty
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Feb 20 '01
10:59 am PST
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You don't know what you're talking about (Reply to this comment)
by Sloucho
I absolutely convinced her that the other pornographic card was for my grandmother. Of course, my grandmother is HOT.
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Feb 17 '01
12:28 pm PST
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Da*m it! #&!*!@+%! (Reply to this comment)
by NFP
Why didn't I get to this BEFORE Valentine's Day. I mean, I know about the restaurant coupon thing, and the pet thing, and even the sticky wicket excuses....but it didn't occur to me that she would be so upset when I asked her for a quarter to put in the motel bed's massage machine. Reading your piece would have reminded how fragile women's self esteem is when it comes to romance.
I mean, the look on her face! Ruined the whole evening. And I even upgraded from Motel 6 to Super 8, not that she thanked me
Women!
nick
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Feb 17 '01
12:14 am PST
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Another wild ride with the Lobstergirl (Reply to this comment)
by sundogg99
I'm still trying to figure out how you learned about my Mary Kate and Ashley fantasy.
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Feb 16 '01
4:35 pm PST
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Good advice but... (Reply to this comment)
by jazzbocrow
I must disagree about the coupon thing--nothing says thrifty like a coupon and nothing gets me more in the Valentine mood than a thrifty guy.
Jojo
But you are so right about mules.
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Feb 16 '01
3:42 pm PST
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Hilarious. (Reply to this comment)
by arianej
Good thing I wasn't drinking anything, or I would've sprayed my monitor.
arianej
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Feb 15 '01
7:07 pm PST
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Can I send this... (Reply to this comment)
by WorkingMomof2
to my husband? I think he needs some of these tips... wonder if it's too late, though....
Amy (foreseeing an Olive Garden w/coupon dinner in her future...)
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Feb 14 '01
4:39 pm PST
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Dang (Reply to this comment)
by sweeper
It's not even five o'clock on Valentine's Day and I've violated most of your advice.
Guess I'm sleeping alone.
Again.
Dave
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Feb 14 '01
4:19 pm PST
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I'm quite lucky (Reply to this comment)
by Gr8dane
to get to this before Valentine's Day evening. Course, I don't have a Valentine and no amount of convincing/begging could get me one at this point and forever after this day, so I'll just try that "purty mouth" line on my brother when he gets home, how about that?
Your wit is why I keep coming back. It isn't for the photo. Not anymore.
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Feb 14 '01
1:13 pm PST
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Excellent (Reply to this comment)
by mike24
I enjoyed every word !
Thanks
mike24
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Feb 14 '01
4:10 am PST
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... (Reply to this comment)
by Mr.Eyore
"Don't forget to change the sheets before she comes over. Just because she fell for the Betty Crocker frosting, Pantene, Elmer's glue and Alfredo sauce excuses doesn't mean she won't catch on this time. She knows you don't eat Brie."
Okay, that's just nasty. Are you dating my room-mate?
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Feb 13 '01
8:15 pm PST
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great.. (Reply to this comment)
by ptiemann
that was funny!!! Especially the carving thing..
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Feb 13 '01
6:25 pm PST
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I dunno.. (Reply to this comment)
by MuseMelpomene
As long as the carving included the word "big", I don't think he'd have a problem with it...
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Feb 13 '01
5:52 pm PST
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.. (Reply to this comment)
by The_Wood
Very funny epinion!
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Feb 13 '01
5:42 pm PST
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