Just what the heck were those square guys thinkin??
Written: Feb 11 '01 (Updated Dec 27 '04)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: good graphics??? but hey, Squaresoft released FF9 so who cares!
Cons: everything other than the graphics...and the music...maybe.
The Bottom Line: Squaresoft was obviously smoking something bad, and drinking whiskey when they made this game. Avoid it at all costs.
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| t13monkeys's Full Review: Final Fantasy VIII for PlayStation 1 |
This is the most disturbing game ever made....more so than Final Fantasy Mystical Quest. And you know what? I don't have to make this opinion some senseless rant either. I'll list every reason why this game should go die.
Don't you ever wonder, why the heck does this game sell for like $5 in the used games bin? Or why the heck do hardcore Square gamers shudder at the mention of this game? Or why do FF8 fans live in some hut somewhere on the edge of nowhere like they've never played a good RPG before?
Well the answer is harsh, and yes it's cruel. But it fits what is perhaps the ugliest game of all in Square history if not all of gaming history ever...okay perhaps it's not as bad as real old bad rpgs like Soul Blazer, but after FF8 you'll feel like you've wasted your life.
First of all this game regardless of all the magical hype, regardless of the nice FMVs and they are nice, there's a whole lot of cr*p.
For one there's the terrible junction system. They decided to take out MP (magic points) to either simplify the game or try to come up with something original. WHY DO YOU TAKE OUT SOMETHING THAT AIN'T BROKE??? There is absolutely no good reason why Square decided to remove a perfectly good battle system and simply pull together some weird nonsense. In the junction system, you get spells by absorbing them from enemies, which involve watching funny-looking blue lightning fly from your enemy and into your body. Now as a result of that funky junction you get to cast these spells. Also you can then use your stored up spells to boost your defense, offense and add elemental effects. Looks good on paper, but plays out terribly. Absorbing spells takes forever, the better spells are difficult to absorb, and worst of all, spells that you don't want to run out of, cool spells so to speak such as Ultima, you need to restock on after you use them up. And it's tough to find enemies with Ultima on hand.
Other than that, the battle system is just pretty mediocre. It may not be that bad since they at least decided not to remove Attack Commands under the premise that it's oh...been in the last 7 games of the series. At least there's still HP... However what does suck is that the battle speed is so slow you'll probably find yourself shivering with fear as you encounter a battle every 5 steps. Who wants to see a screen swirl for five seconds like you've just injected yourself with crack, and then watch as the camera pans around the place senselessly. It's not necessary, but Square really really dragged out cinematics in this game. Battles take too long and tend to drive you crazy.
In order to preserve challenge in this game, Square also decided that leveling up would mean that the enemies leveled up as well. Just grand!! This means Omega Weapon is IMPOSSIBLE if you're above level 60. This also pretty much means the game is impossible if you're above level 60. So the well spent time on the game, ends up making the game more difficult and preventing your from beating secret bosses in the game. What a great idea...
Now we've got to look at the characters. There's Squall, the guy who never talks. Now this is an okay thing really, since Crono didn't really talk at all in Chrono Trigger. However....Squall does talk every now and then, and what he has to say is stupid, not funny, not interesting and annoying. Not to mention his sidekicks which are equally boring. Not to mention he runs slowly like he's ice skating across the screen. Not to mention that ugly scar on his face that means absolutely nothing...in fact this whole game would be better without him.
You do have Rinoa who is supposed to make up for all this. However while she is cute, and that dancing FMV with Squall is absolutely amazing, she's the most pathetic character ever. All she does is follow Squall around and beg him to join the resistence forces against the evil queen, who ENDS UP JOINING YOUR SIDE, adding to the randomness of this makeshift plot. In fact there are a lot of plot twists like, WHoa she's Headmaster Cid's wife! Stuff that doesn't make sense, since a cruel pale chick probably wouldn't marry a happy bald teacher.
Bottom line-
Even if some guy offers to give you this game for free, run away before he can torture you and waste years of your life. Also if you see your friends contemplating on whether or not to get this game, you better make new friends...
Recommended:
No
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t13monkeys
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Location: New York City, NY
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About Me:
Reviewing god-awful movies. One at a time.
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