Roommates--They Aren't Just For Dormrooms Anymore
Oct 27 '02
The Bottom Line Compromise is very important, so is a sense of humor.
Back when I first started school I lived at home because I lived all of 8 miles from my college and couldn't see spending the money on a dorm room when I could spend it on other things like beer and recreational drugs. Seriously, though, I dropped out of college during my first semester of my second year, and didn't come back for five years.
When I finally did come back, I'd had enough of communal living to pretty much fill up a whole lifetime, so I got an apartment by myself in town near campus. I soon realized just how expensive this was, and decided I'd better move and find a roommate. *note--the communal living I referred to was living on a small schooner with a lot of people, not jail.
Before you start scratching your head and wondering why this is in here, let me first tell you that not all college students live in dorms. Some of us aren't quite that masochistic. I saw my sister's dorm rooms at her school and heard horror stories about her roommates and knew early on that I wasn't going to make that mistake. Secondly, apartments, especially ones with lots of roommates, can be much cheaper and much more fun than dorms ever were. At my school, the University of Maine at Farmington, a lot of students live off campus but still have roommates. Let me tell you that apartment roommate situations can be just as interesting and challenging as living in a dorm room.
My First Roommate
I was tired of spending a lot on rent and living alone, and so decided to move into a bigger apartment. I mentioned to some folks in my Women's History class that I was looking for a roommate for a fabulous apartment I'd found, and this one girl I liked named Stacey was very interested. She came and looked at the place, decided she liked it and we signed the lease that very day.
Stacey liked animals, which was good because I had rats, guinea pigs, two rabbits, and a ferret. Stacey was an artist, which was okay by me. I didn't mind if she had art supplies all over the apartment, and I soon became her biggest fan. I'm a lesbian, but Stacey thought that was just fine. She was straight, but she had gay friends, and her boyfriend lived in Vermont and so never came to visit.
We thought it would be fun to split the grocery bill and go shopping together. This worked only as long as our schedules meshed, which wasn't long. Stacey had a car, so she'd often go grocery shopping and come back with food that I didn't really want to eat. We were both into crunchy/granola type food, but she had some odd tastes that even I couldn't get into. I'd pick something I liked out of what she bought and I'd eat it. All of it. She'd get cranky.
Pretty soon we discovered that each of us had pet peeves the other played right into. Stacey was annoyed when I didn't change the big rabbit's cage every day. I was annoyed when she'd leave half-eaten bowls of cereal out on the table for three days at a time, or pans of congealed soup on the stove. Stepping over half-painted paper-mache projects that littered the living room also became tedious.
Anyway, you get the idea of the types of issues Stacey and I had. We managed to stay friends even after she broke the lease and moved out in April instead of December and left me with clean-freak gay boy roommate who either was fighting or having sex with his boyfriend or folding my jacket and putting it away every ten minutes. Now to the list of problems I feel are unique to apartment living.
Bills
Other than phone bills, there aren't a lot of these to be found in dorm living, but apartments are chock full of the little buggers. Luckily for us, neither Stacey or I wanted cable television, so that was one expense we didn't have to worry about. However, we had an electric bill, a phone bill, and a heating bill that had to be divided up and paid every month. Any bills in her name were often not paid on time, even though I gave her my share of the money. She'd forget to pay me her share of the bills that were in my name, which put a pretty heavy burden on me.
Advice--make sure that the more responsible roommate handles the bills, and don't be afraid to be assertive when it comes time to pay the bills. It's not fair for one person to carry the full financial load.
Having a Social Life
With Stacey this wasn't as much of an issue, although coming home to find a couple of folks I didn't know getting stoned and playing with my ferret was a little disconcerting. My second roommate, Drew, would often invite lots of noisy and nosy friends over to wreak havoc, and I'd retreat to my girlfriend's place.
Advice--make rules with your roommate and your neighbors about social situations like parties. Don't let your roommates find out about parties at the apartment by being invited by some random friend. Ask first, arrange around busy schedules, and respect one another. Also, remember that complaining neighbors leads to very cranky landlords. If your neighbors are college kids or seem pretty cool, invite them. Otherwise, ask if it's okay that you have a few friends over and might be a little noisy, and respect your neighbors' wishes.
Overnight Guests
Stacey eventually broke up with her boyfriend and found a new, more local guy. I ended up dating, as well, which didn't seem to freak her or her boyfriend out. We never had issues with our SOs staying overnight, and this had a lot to do with respect.
Advice--having a boyfriend or girlfriend over night is not a bad thing as long as you respect your roommate. Hopefully the two of you don't share a room. If you don't, just be quiet and discreet. No sex in the bathroom unless your roommate is gone for the night, and clean up after yourselves. Be nice at breakfast, share the bathroom in the morning, and make sure your SO is neat and clean in public places.
Sharing is Nice, but Asking is Nicer
Stacey had a job as a waitress at a local restaurant, and was always borrowing my nice white shirt and various neckties I'd made into curtains. She'd come into my room and pluck them off the window, and wear them. I'd find out when she came home dressed in my clothes, or when they were returned with stains on them.
Advice--always ask before borrowing your roommate's stuff, and be sure to be clear on how you feel about him/her borrowing yours. If it becomes an issue, lock your door. I'm not kidding.
Be flexible
The longer you live with someone the harder it can get. Always remember that compromise is necessary when living with a roommate. Stacey wasn't too bad, even when she accidently painted my ferret blue and red. We stayed friends for years after she moved out. Be flexible, communicate, and have fun, and you should be fine.
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Epinions.com ID:
sparke61
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Member: Sharon Parker
Location: Maine
Reviews written: 115
Trusted by: 42 members
About Me:
Dispatcher who likes cats, computers, bikes, stereos, movies, books and wants to buy a house
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