Feetal Attraction
Feb 22 '01 (Updated Mar 29 '01)
The Bottom Line I think that I would feel unfrocked,
could I not wear my favorite socks.
The socks that make me feel complete,
with matching colors on my feet.
What could be more appealing than a pretty woman with a great pair of socks? Well, in all honesty, socks aren’t really at the top of the list, but this is about socks, those oft forgotten accessories that cover, warm, adorn, support, comfort, and protect our feet. They hide our podiatal imperfections and accentuate our assets.
Our wise ancestors, including the Greek philosophers Sockrates, Arisockle, and Pla-dough, knew of the importance of socks. “A sound mind in a sound body anchored on sound feet” is etched on marble pedestals beneath busts of Sockrates worldwide, and etched eternally in the collective consciousness of humanity.
Now that the importance of socks is established, it’s time to address the serious issue of choosing socks.
WHERE
I like buying my socks at places offering a large selection such as the Sock Outlet,Socks Fifth Avenue, Sock Warehouse or my favorite, Sockarama City. Many ladies prefer the alluring array of monogrammed footwear available at Victoria's SockWrit. These businesses offer an almost infinite selection of colors, patterns and materials for the sock aficionado. Trained sock professionals are there to assist the customers who are often overwhelmed by the tremendous range of prices and materials.
Some of the best socks are manufactured in the sock capital of the world, Sockramento,CA. Look for the name on the label.
FIT
Proper fit should be the paramount factor in your selection. Luckily adult socks come in few sizes so it’s hard to go wrong there. Check the elasticity of your footwear. Stretch and release it quickly so that it hits your thigh or that of the salesperson. If it stings, the elastic will be too constricting on you. Socks too tight will strangle your circulation and leave unsightly dents in your skin. Socks too loose will fall unattractively to your ankles, definitely a fashion faux pas.
FEATURES
Socks can be found in a rainbow of colors and with intricate designs and embroidery. I noticed while researching socks on the internet that Tommy Hilfiger socks for infants and children were recalled because the flag logo appliqués on them can detach, posing a possible choking hazard. This shouldn’t be a problem for adults but bring a pair of pliers with you when shopping and see if the decals and appliqués on socks under consideration are on firmly.
Some socks come with battery powered heating elements for those frigid mornings, while others have secret compartments for hiding cash or keys. Aromatic socks are specially scented to mask and destroy foot odor and make wonderful gifts for that special someone. Specialty socks of colossal size are great storage places for potatoes.I don’t like the socks with interwoven bells or beads. These are not comfortable and are irritatingly noisy.
QUALITY AND MATERIALS
Socks are made with a variety of materials including cotton, wool, acrylic and nylon. My wife likes the feel and warmth of wool socks. I prefer those made of burlap or upholstery material. They may not be the most comfortable or stylish, but last for years. Holes usually appear first in the toes or heels of socks; look for reinforcements in those two areas to extend the life of your socks. Some people darn socks but I damn them once I spot a large hole because repairs alter the fit and shape of the sock.
Ben Franklin once said,” Neither a borrower nor a mender be. Socks with holes are not for thee.”
Thank you for reading this bit of silliness.
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