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Must... resist.. Fuzzi Bunz category... Resolve... weakening..Feb 22 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Fuzzi Bunz is a serious medical condition with no known cure. ...Sorry, I just couldn't resist.
(What can I say? I don't have much self-control...) Fuzzi Bunz is, sadly, one of the most common afflictions to ... well... afflict modern society. No, I speak not of the familiar fuzzi blue mold growing happily upon your improperly stored hotdog bunz. Nor would I dream of slandering a certain Princess whose hairstyle of choice includes twin bunz that may or may not be fuzzi. Nay, my friends. I speak of something far, far more malevolent. Something that has infected all of us with its pure unbridled evil at one time or another. I speak of the kind of Fuzzi Bunz that can be found on the backsides of as many as 1 in 4 Americans today. Yes -- the kind of Fuzzi Bunz that have been known to rear their ugly cheeks during what is called a "full moon". Nobody wants to look at said Bunz, what with their inhumanly thick layers of Fuzzi blocking out all but the pastiest sections of Bunz, yet the eye is compelled to stare, drawn in by much the same mechanisms that force people to stare at car wrecks. Oh, the unspeakable horrors of Fuzzi Bunz. And what's truly frightening is the number of afflicted persons who are completely and utterly unaware of their Bunz's Fuzzi Factor (TM). How anyone can not know what their Bunz look like is a mystery to me, but somehow it happens with alarming frequency. Millions, possibly billions of people world-wide suffer from some degree of Bunz-Fuzzinicity. And unless you have the (mis)fortune to witness a "full moon", chances are that you will never know just who is a carrier of this frightful condition. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And to make matters worse, when one of the aforementioned sufferers is finally notified of their problem by the well-wishing onlooker, there is little he or she can do to ameliorate the situation. It is unimaginably difficult to shave one's own Bunz. Not that I know from experience, mind you... *ahem* These Bunz Fuzzis are also incredibly resistant to any kind of removal cream. And waxing is definitely out of the question. Therefore, this condition would appear to be, unfortunately, permanent. So how can you determine if you are a carrier? There are two known tests which are both relatively accurate. The first involves finding a mirror, putting your backside towards it, and twisting your spinal column out of alignment in order to turn your head far enough around to view your Bunz in the mirror. Any Fuzzis will be visably mocking you as you look helplessly on. The second method is perhaps more commonly utilized. Simply fake a huge yawn, stretch your arms out to their fullest, and then quickly but subtley bring one hand down and scratch those Bunz. If your fingers become quickly entangled and won't immediately come free, chances are that you have a bad case. If you feel slight Fuzziness, or perhaps a rough texture that you don't normally associate with your epidermis, you have probably found only your pants (which, by the way, are themselves evil), and the test in its entirety should be repeated at a future date. Fuzzi Bunz is not a joke; it can devastate a person's social life. Sufferers enjoy no more casual mooning at the opera or school facilities. Gyrating whilst wearing booty shorts is out of the question. And they can forget about marrying that supermodel next door. This condition can make you a pariah. But at least the Fuzzi Bunz syndrome gives aliens a convincing reason to stop abducting us. For those of you just itching to smack this with an NH due to being off topic: - Fuzzi Bunz are cloth diapers for babies. The origin of the product's name still baffles me. - After much searching and dodging all of the porn sites that somehow came up, I have located their website at www.motherofeden.com/fuzzibunz.html - I do not have children (thank your god) and am capable of controlling my bodily functions to a degree, and as such I have never used these fine products. - And finally, aliens are coming to get you. Have a nice day!  |
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