Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails Feb 23 '01    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line No- celebrate the differences, encourage the positive aspects and never settle for boring old "neutral." I have two wonderful boys. For me, who spent her childhood as THE “girlie-girl,” raising two boys is quite an experience. I know close to absolutely nothing about trains or trucks, sports or blocks or any of the other things I am not even capable of thinking of due to estrogen. Yet I still manage to raise my boys as boys. This does mean I have to ask my husband questions sometimes. My husband is THE “alpha-male” and I like him just that way. I guess it is that whole opposites attract thing. Don’t get me wrong, both my husband and I were taught “other-gender” things growing up. I was shooting my first rifle at age eight right alongside my dad and hiking through the woods deer hunting with him when I was twelve (once- since I found that although I didn’t mind hunting, I myself was incapable of it). I learned some basic auto maintenance, though I don’t use it. My husband learned some basic sewing as a child. I tell him often that I believe he missed his calling as one of the world’s greatest chefs. When it comes to some things both the “girlie-girl” and the “alpha-male” agree that it is just practical for one to know regardless of gender. When it came to nursery furnishing and newborn clothes we went gender-neutral out of practicality not some larger scheme of gender-identity. We wanted gender to be a surprise so we bought things that would work no matter what our surprise was. We also bought gender-neutral on the fact of finances- it can get expensive being gender specific from Day One and since we want a lot of children it is cheaper for us in the long run. After we knew what our children were however it was a whole different game. It never occurred to me to dress my boys in pink or buy them dolls. It came naturally to me to look for pictures of sports equipment and vehicles on the clothing of my boys. It happened quite without intention that I automatically stayed out of toy aisles that had an abundance of pink and head for the aisles that had wheels or logs or army figures. It wasn’t something that I did with any grander purpose in mind, but it isn’t something I intend to change. My boys do have functional housekeeping toys. They make a large portion of the mess and around here it doesn’t matter what gender you are, if you make a mess you clean it up. It is easier for children to clean up their messes if they have appropriate sized tools to do so. I also, after some consideration, decided to get my boys a small play kitchen and some dishes. Since they are home with me for a large portion of their day they do like to “help” momma do the things she does and sometimes it is easier to let them play at it with toys rather than actually be trying to do the real thing. It comes out quite without intention that I regularly tell my boys that they are going to grow up to be strong and handsome like their poppa if they eat their veggies or drink their milk. It happens quite without a thought that I compare my boys to my husband even in those instances when the comparison could equally apply to myself. It is without any grand plan in mind that I wish to have a girl to share my own childhood with while I relish the new experiences of my boys sharing their childhood with me. My husband on the other hand wants a “little princess” to pamper and dote on like her momma just as he already loves having boys to rough and tumble and play ball with. Boys are boys and girls are girls and each is so unique and wonderful that is worth it to let them fully experience it. There are even some inaccurately stereotyped “girl things” or “boy things” we would never encourage. We certainly wouldn’t tolerate for our boys to treat women badly or to think of them inappropriately. We would never stand for the “helpless” female routine out of a girl. There are too many strengths and positives unique to each gender to encourage the weaknesses and negatives that don’t have to be. I do hope that my boys grow up to wonderful “alpha-males” like their poppa and should we ever be blessed with a girl we hope she would be drawn to being more “girly” like her momma. We choose to celebrate the wonderful differences between the sexes rather than to fear it and we hope to pass along to our children the same respect for the wonderful natural differences that make boys boys and girls girls.

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