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Privacy-A Balancing ActFeb 23 '01 (Updated Feb 26 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Privacy issues are best handled individually, with parents playing a responsible role.
At this moment in time, I use the term,"privacy," to refer to my childrens' right to take a bath with the door closed, change clothing without siblings peeking, and have a few friends over to play in their rooms without being constantly supervised. My children range in age from 2 1/2 to 10. Each has been given various degrees of privacy based on their age and their past experiences with handling privacy. What privacy does not mean to me is offering complete autonomy to my children until they are legally adults. As much as I trust my children, I also know that too much privacy can be as bad as too much freedom. I have established a sort of no-nonsense attitude about privacy now, hoping to prepare for the teen years, when privacy issues will become greater. As young as my chldren may be, we have already handled privacy concerns at our house. One fine example is that I know that my 10 year old cannot have friends in her room and shut the door. Naturally, I can imagine why they want the privacy. There are little brothers in the house to bother them, and "girl talk" is an important part of growing up. I can understand this desire for privacy. However, the door must remain open. Beds have been jumped on, hair cuts have been given, and make-up has been borrowed, for such closed door parties. Complete privacy has given way to incidents, which furthers my case for limited privacy. Limited privacy means that I have the right to limit their privacy at any time that it has been used for the opportunity to "get into trouble." It also means that as a parent, I have a responsibility to do this. How often lately have I heard the excuse in media tragedy stories, that the parent never entered the room of their child that had been creating an arsenal, or perhaps running the Columbian drug cartel from their room? I need to know a general idea about what my children are doing with their privacy, even if it means that I enforce an "open door" policy on their privacy at times. As their mother, I have the right to enter their room. Privacy rights of children are meant to allow freedom and some alone time. When they are established to be fair, there should also be room for increasing or decreasing these rights. Even young children can understand this. My sons are 5 and 8. Both know that their privacy to play alone in their room, is dependent on their respect for the rules that I have given them. I know which friends are fine to play in their room with them, and which ones cannot. When they are teenagers, I will probably have the same policy. In fact there is really no amount of privacy that can be given to certain friends sometimes, and I will count on my judgement in those cases. I do believe that my children can be trusted. I also believe that I can trust them better with limits. If there is a cloud of smoke filtering out of their rooms, the noise of a few drunken sailors doing the happy dance, or days where one of them appears to be hibernating in their cave (room), you can bet that I will be there to address the situation. This is my responsibility. They will thank me later. So what do I know about privacy and children or teens? Well, you see, I was a teen once and I know the kids that had unlimited privacy. I'll just say that these houses were often known as "anything goes." I didn't have it so good. My parents were too curious about who my friends were and what we were doing to ever allow an "anything goes" leash on my privacy. This didn't mean that I didn't feel safe keeping a diary, I just knew my limits and the consequences. I also never hosted keg parties in my room, or gave them any reason to not trust me. The policy was simply, moderation. My answer to the question posed concerning searching a child's room, is "yes." I have no problem with a search, as long as it is based on probable cause. Yes, just like the rules of the police. Otherwise, I have the right to pick up the laundry, and I will respect their privacy with a knock before entering. I don't believe in snooping simply to be nosy. I know that some things are meant to be private, and just as I can't discuss some of my own concerns or issues with my children, I expect there will be a time when they feel this way about me. Since there are many opinions about privacy, I believe that knowing your child and staying active in their life, can be a foundation for how to handle privacy issues. What feels right for one family may not be ideal for another. My own opinion, relies on the balance of my responsibility and theirs. Now I'll just take a deep breath and wait for the teen years!  |
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