Pipa: ABC and Rodriguez Host a Garage SaleFeb 26 '01 (Updated Mar 06 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Ideal for a fun night out voguing. You should probably eat before you go.
Supermodels can’t cook. Why should they, they don’t even eat. That’ll never keep me from trying out a new Spanish, albeit trendy, restaurant, especially one attached to that Manhattan mecca of interior design, ABC Carpet & Home, and spirited by Gotham’s Latin überchef, Douglas Rodriguez, the original genius behind the impossibly spectacular Patria. But it was, alas, just another supermodel-friendly dining experience. All the Pretty Posers The design concept at Pipa is simple: run through ABC and find anything that looks “spanishy”, toss it in a dark and tiny room and throw up some large mirrors so that the patrons can get a good look at themselves. The result is a mutant crossbreed between Spanish kitsch, gothic dungeon and Soho “narcissaurant” that only Uncle Fester could love. As for the voguing patrons, the crowd consists more of posers than potential models, so Naomi Campbell won’t lose any sleep over this place. Pipa is barely large enough to host a small, crowded bar and a handful of tapas-sized dining tables. In a twist of decorative irony, the absurd overabundance of chandeliers dangling overhead barely generates as much light as the diminutive votives placed meekly on each table. My guess is that the new restaurant provided a convenient storage facility for ABC’s leftovers. Waiters on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown I knew from the extreme trendiness of this restaurant to have fairly low expectations on service, but I was totally unprepared for what followed. Immediately upon being seated with menus, our waiter came over and asked, “Would you like to order anything else or will that be all?” So began our descent into space-cadet land. I even had to help him explain some of the specials since he really had no clue what he was serving that night. Aberration? Think again. At one point later that evening, I walked up to the bartender to ask for a copy of Pipa’s celebrated wine list. In response, I got a blank stare followed by a cartoon lightbulb over his somewhat smallish cranium. He actually had no idea what kind of wine or sherries they offered at Pipa and he didn’t even have a wine list. This is a bartender we’re talking about, not a coat check clerk. So he asked a waiter for a wine list and let me have a look. Finally, I was impressed. Pipa has one of the most outstanding selections of Spanish sherries I have ever seen – with the notable exception of a certain tile-lined sherry tavern near Madrid’s Plaza del Sol. But let’s turn to the food now… The Wrong Stuff They brought what we ordered; it just wasn’t Spanish food. I started by asking if they had a Tortilla Española; at which point, our waiter / rocket-scientist smugly retorted, “tortillas are more of a Mexican item.” I wished I had had a gun so I could put both him and me out of our collective misery. The first food to arrive at the table was the jamón serrano, an imperative in any Spanish meal. For those of you just learning about this wonderful cuisine, jamón is a smoked ham that is sliced directly off the leg into small tidbits and served with bread and sometimes olives. Each sliver should be about 1/8th of an inch thick with a solid chew so that the masticating action of your teeth releases a bouquet of hearty smoked pork flavors and yields a slightly tough mouth feel. Pipa served up the jamón in prosciutto-style translucent slices that ruined this entire effect. In Spain, even comparing jamón to prosciutto is considered sacrilege and may invite an unexpected inquisition. We ordered one of the specials, baby white asparagus in a garlic cream sauce, which was delicious although a bit small and difficult to share. Also impressive were the flatbreads. You could definitely feel chef Rodriguez’s magic touch on these little pizzettes, which come in a choice of delicious cheeses and sauces and were by far my favorite items on the menu. Of course, they resembled nothing I’ve ever seen in Spain. Pulpo a la gallego is one of my all-time favorite dishes, bar none, and consists of small, one inch diameter rings of octopus simmering in olive oil and paprika. Usually cooked to a tender texture, pulpo should produce a melt in your mouth sensation much like a fine quality foie gras. The pulpo at Pipa nearly turned me off to this dish altogether. It was tough, chewy and more closely resembled stewed rubber golf cleats than food. All in, this was a complete train wreck. A Meal Less Ordinary Connoisseurs of Spanish food should probably avoid Pipa like the plague – it’s just too painful. If you do go, then stick to Rodriguez’s interpretive dishes like the flatbreads or the almond stuffed dates. I think if you approach the cuisine here not from a connoisseur’s perspective but from a desire to experiment with new forms, you might have a much better experience, but brace yourself for a $60 per person bill. Of course, if you want to spare your stomach, your figure and your wallet, the supermodel approach may work best – just pop a few diet pills before you get there. Now for the stars (out of five): Ambiance: * * Service: * Food: * * Overall: * * and a half a wormy apple  |
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