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I snoop therefore I knowMar 03 '01 (Updated Mar 05 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Don't snoop unless you have to. If you have to, dig deep.
My kid is 10. How much privacy does she really need? A lot. A lot from me. And none. There are somethings that are entirely hers, and she has exclusive private rights over them. For example, my child needs to know her body is her own. Further, she has the right to dress (however I may question her developing fashion sense) in her own way, with her door closed, to keep my prying eyes from marvelling at how delightfull and strongly she grows. Similarly, she needs to close the bathroom door, as well she should, when she bathes, or attends to cosmetic details and bodily functions. I forbid her to eavesdrop on my telephone calls and ask for privacy when talking to sweetie. Likewise, her calls to her friends are secret to me, except when she is tongue tied and needs my prompting to issue details on an invitation. She keeps a diary. I have read it because she leaves it lying about. We have had a very unusual year, including a family separation. She is 10 and oft does not have the skills to vocalize her concerns and fears but sometimes in her diary she talks of me and of her father, my ex, of her teacher, of her friends and I know what is right and what is wrong in her world. Should I snoop? Yes. She is my responsibility. I adore her. I would surrender my heart to make hers beat. I am not snooping to cause her trouble. I am interested in her life and because she is just 10, it is mine. In another few years my sweet child will involve herself in more complex issues than who spoke to whom at recess. It may be that I will tune in to signals that all is not right in her world, in fact dangerous signals might present themselves. If I fear that she is subcoming to eating disorders, or is suffering from depression or anxiety, or if I believe she has become involved in sex, drugs or alcohol, I will use any means of snoopiness to source out the dilemmas my child might face. Will I have the right to subpeona her diary? Yes. I am her mother. It is my responsibility to know what lurks in the heart and mind of my child and to take whatever action I might need to counsel or, or get her counselling, to deal with the crisis at hand. If on the other hand, there is no red flag flying and she keeps a diary, would I snoop? No. I don't clean closets that are orderly, I don't empty well-stocked cupboards just to view their contents. If I believe my child is coping well with life's challenges, I'll continue to place my trust in that belief and not wade in where uninvited. My child is in her formative years and if I am honest with myself I will acknowledge she has left them and is in her developmental years. These issues of trust, privacy, I hope I have already instilled. I need not betray them by invading them when it is unwarranted. We had a party here. Her and me and 10 of her closest friends for her birthday last week. It went sour. She felt hurt. I noticed. When I asked her what had happened she said one of her friends had hurt her. I imagine it was an emotional ding. I told her that I love her, that she is a beautiful woman, (sometimes on a birthday kids are looking to feel more grown up). I told her I think she is remarkable. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it the thing that happened between her and her friend and she said no. She said some things are private. I didn't pry, because that was the right answer for her. But I have snooped, and in so snooping, I have found cause to believe in her. I know enough about my child at 10 to know that I can trust her. And I don't have to snoop that much, any more.  |
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