Don't stay married for the kids.
Mar 04 '01
The Bottom Line Never wait until the children are grown if there are problems early on, it is best to get it over with ASAP.
I am not an expert on divorce, nor would I want to be. However, I am going to tell a personal story from my experiences on the subject.
The number one thing I can say is never stay married for the children. Divorce is never easy on kids no matter what the age. I know it probably effects younger children as mommy and daddy are no longer living together, and they may not see them both everyday.
My parents are one of those who stayed together until I grew up, and let me tell you, looking back on it now it was the worst thing they could possibly do. Constant fighting is not a good environment for children to grow up in. It made me feel not loved for some reason, I know now that they loved me, but I wanted them to stop and they wouldn't, they would tell me to go away and to let them deal with things, so I would go upstairs to my grandmother's and stay with her. In a sense she was more like my mother than my mother was, and I was absolutely devastated when I lost her. However, back to the issue.
When I was 19 my father started not coming home, he would work 3-11 and then go to the Elks Club and have a few beers then not come home. He would go to his friends house. I guess being so busy I never knew how bad things really were in my house.
They finally got divorced in July of 1998, and it was like a dark cloud was lifted from our house. My mother and myself were able to breathe a sigh of relief without inhaling cigarette smoke, however, I really have no use for my father, I have seen him a handful of times since the divorce and I have no urge to, it may sound bad but it's even worse when he doesn't even call me to see how I am, or what I am doing. I will get an occasional email. His mother passed away in October, and she was in the hospital for a few days and my mother told me at like 3 in the morning when I came home but I was half asleep so i did not take much in. She passed away a few days later, he did not inform me on what was going on, and he didn't call me until 9 pm the day she passed away and she passed away at about 11 am. He said he called, line was busy he said. I must have been on the computer. Well my response to that was Nope, sorry we have road runner, and call waiting on the phone. Our relationship is so cold now. We were close once before I found out what kind of person he is. He is all for himself.
Anyways, it is not wise to stay together for the children, I think there is a better chance for a relationship if divorce was when they are young as the non custodial parent would have visitation or there would be joint custody or something. I have noticed from friends that you can gain things other than more Christmas and Birthday presents, and that is other views on life. More than likely parents would have different living situations, and you would learn more stuff, like one parent likes to ski, and one likes to golf. One likes history and the other likes poetry.
You may not agree with me, but that is your choice. This is just what I have noticed from my experience and those of my friends.
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