|
|
On the Flipside: A Note on Letting Them GoFeb 28 '00 Write an essay on this topic.I think the questions listed limit the possible causes of "student sadness," and therefore wish to help others see the flipside of what many caring parents (and students) have posted about the difficulty of leaving a child who only wishes to come home from a strange, new college or university. I sense such sincerity in trying to understand the young student's needs...but it isn't always about missing mom's home-cooked meals or not finding a niche' at school right away -- I've experienced this, too, but I want to talk about something beyond that. Sometimes it's about being emotionally, maybe even physically stifling even if a child's moved far, far away. Sadness can come from there, too, as in my case. (Before I Begin, 3 Disclaimers. I've thought this through. For the moment, please let's disregard my ethnicity (the saying goes that daughters stay home, sons get to roam) -- and please let's disregard my academic potential. And also, I love my parents tremendously, and do not fault them for any of what other people may perceive to be my life's mistakes (don't read too much into this -- I'm not a murderer.). This review is not to shame them, but it is my effort to a.) perhaps encourage a new thought to a troubled parent somewhere and b.) as I write this, mentally prepare myself for when my children are ready to leave me...) So, my story: I went away to college upon graduation -- that following summer, as a matter of fact -- some 400 miles away. To this day, I have absolutely no idea how I convinced my parents of this (they had the purse-strings, after all), as I was the youngest of 4 children (oldest male, the rest, female). So, we can understand the hesitation on my parent's part. I tell you now that any unhappiness on my part had nothing to do with homesickness (although I did enjoy going home tremendously), nothing to do with being able to "hack it" (academics were not difficult for me), nothing to do with being so far away (I had already made trips to this university on my own years before -- I loved my university. It was almost like an extended vacation) -- but everything to do with my lack of freedom, irregardless of the fact that I lived so far away. (I don't know how my details will pertain to you and yours, so I will give you a suggestion, followed by my own experience to give you a little understanding.) Parents, encourage your child to live the college experience. Don't be afriad. You've raised them well, now it's time to let go. I didn't live the full college experience. I was the "baby." What's more to say? Even though I was born 8 years after my sister and they were almost ready for the quiet, retired life, my dear parents found a way to take good care of me - maybe too well. By the time I hit high school and then college, a lot of "temptations" in my parent's minds were overdramatized -- even though I never dated, was a top-ten honor student, and went to church every Sunday. My parents loved me dearly (still do), but I feel as though they were somewhat overprotective and basically, tried to limit my experiences -- so, even though I was able to "go away" to college, I never really left. Case in point: my parents sent my older brother (by 13 years) to live with me, a third parent, if you will. Let them live and don't be afraid. Parents, trust your children. They are good people. My time away was even more difficult than living at home. There was always this guardedness, this tension, and in a way, I didn't feel like I was trusted with anything -- how I managed my time, how I budgeted my little money, what friends I chose, what professors I wanted to associate with and learn from. A little hell, I believe, especially for someone just emerging into their adulthood. I didn't abuse drugs or alcohol, didn't run with the 12-7am crowd. I was as conservative as young women come. Yes, my parents had a wonderful, honorable incentive: they wanted to protect their youngest, but during that time, our relationship failed miserably. Why? Because this was the time for me to learn to be on my own, and I felt my parents didn't trust me as much as I wanted to be trusted. My feeling this didn't help me grow into my own, find myself, find my life's calling. Help them. Help them find *them*. Parents, encourage your children to live beyond their potential. When I went away, I couldn't decide between becoming a doctor and becoming an engineer, so I chose bioengineering & loved it. But, just to be brief, I got a lot of negative feedback on my drive and determination. Although I can't say that it hindered me, what person can live with consistent negativity? You can't do it. You can't make it. Try something else. -- Even though I'm very comfortable with the life choices I've chosen thus far and will never regret the beautiful life that God has allowed me to live, I'm just barely overcoming the idea that I haven't accomplished all that I want in my young life. In some ways, I think a little more encouragement would have gone a long way. Yes, I know: for all I know, I may not have been cut out to become a bioengineer, much less a doctor -- but I didn't see that then (definitely don't see that now). Do we imagine our crawling babies to visualize that they can't walk? No. They just do it. It's instinct. Help drive that same instinct in your child... *** Know that I will add to this, as time goes by. I'm not quite comfortable with what people may perceive of my parents -- they are loving people and raised a very capable, mature, feeling, intelligent young woman. They see this, and now, we have a wonderful, caring relationship. To them, I owe everything -- because of who I am now and inspire to be. I'm still planning for the day when I will be able to go back to school to become both a doctor and a lawyer...& if it weren't for the love of God, family and education that they gave me, I don't know who I would be... With all my regards, here's to you, parents, and all that you've done for your children...  |
| Read all comments (6)|Write your own comment |
