College Roommates
Jun 05 '00
You don't have to become your roommate's best friend, but you definitely don't need to become his/her worst enemy. Depending on where you go to school, you might be asked to fill out a survey about your living habits, or you may be assigned a roommate at random. Whatever the case may be, your college will usually send you your roommate's phone number in early to mid August.
If you have the chance, you should really call your roommate. This is an excellent time to tentatively get to know the stranger who will be sharing your room for a year. Ask your roommate about interests and hobbies and general questions. Find out what your roommate plans to bring to school. Your room might not be big enough for two fridges, and nobody needs two microwaves. The one thing that you should not hesitate to bring two of is a computer. If you are the one who brings the computer, your roommate will inevitably hog the computer chatting with his long distance girlfriend the night before your big paper is due.
After you arrive at school, you should have a conversation with your roommate about expectations for living together. This is the time to tell your roommate that it's fine if people sit on your bed, as long as they don't sit on your pillows or that you don't mind studying with music as long as it isn't too loud. Your roommate will also share with you his/her concerns and requests.
This will not always work. I know someone who had a conversation like this with her roommate (at her roommate's request) and all she asked was that guests did not sit on her pillows or use her computer. One day, she came back to the room and found her roommate's friend casually playing Solitaire on the computer.
Something like this will probably happen to you, although it might not be as extreme. If this happens to you, instead of yelling and screaming and throwing a fit (which might be the first instinct of many people) or just letting your errant roommate and his/her friends walk all over you (another instinctive option) you should say to your roommate "When you (fill in the offending incident), it made me feel (fill in emotion)." Assume that your roommate didn't mean to hurt your feelings purposefully.
You also need to be respectful of your roommate's stuff and/or beliefs. I know someone else who had a fridge. His fridge was kosher, but he told his roommate that he could keep non-kosher stuff in it as long as it was wrapped up or at least on a plate. This person would frequently open his fridge and find cheeseburgers sitting in the fridge, not wrapped up or on a plate or anything. Now, that's pretty gross even if the fridge wasn't kosher.
One of the most important things to discuss is the issue of boyfriends/girlfriends. Make sure that it's okay with your roommate before you invite your boyfriend/girlfriend over. Tell your roommate well in advance if you plan to have a weekend guest. For example, my freshman roommate had a boyfriend who went to school in another state. About once a month, he would come up to see her, and once a month she would go down to see him. She would always tell me well in advance, so that I could make arrangements to stay with friends. I didn't mind doing this because she always asked so nicely and was truly grateful. If your roommate has objections to staying with friends every so often or has problems with members of the opposite sex staying over in the room, there's really nothing you can do about it. You have to remember that your roommate lives in the room too, and you need to be respectful of his/her feelings.
Try and find a simple solution for your problems. For example, my boyfriend shared a stereo with his roommate freshman year, and his roommate had a habit of taking my boyfriend's CDs out of the stereo and leaving them upside-down next to the stereo. My boyfriend's CDs would sometimes get scratched. Instead of turning this into a big issue, they agreed to keep an empty CD case next to the stereo. If there was a CD in the stereo, it went into the CD case instead of onto the tale.
Whatever you do, don't do bad stuff to your roommate or his/her stuff. I know of someone whose roommate has so frustrated with him that he urinated on his stuff. Now, that might seen funny in a movie or something, but you have to remember that even mean or annoying people don't deserve something really gross like that.
When picking a roommate for the next three years, try not to pick your very best friend because that could potentially damage your friendship. If you will be living in a suite, your best friend is okay. It's just enclosed spaces that are bad, but even a suite can turn into a bad situation.
Overall, having a roommate might be something new for you, but it's not the end of the world. Just go into things with an open mind, and you should be okay.
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