A Guys View: How to Get Raped While in College
Sep 07 '00
A girl's worst nightmare. Happens more frequently than you or I could imagine. Destroys lives. What am i talking about? I am talking about the potential of rape occuring while spending the best of years of your life at college.
I will do my best to provide this point from a male point of view and realize that it is a touchy topic to try to write an epinion on. I will make a few points and I am sure I will get numerous comments. Please leave them. I welcome them and hope that they will help others avoid a potentially dangerous situation. Which is why I decided to write this- the fact that college is back in session and many people tend to let their guards down when classes return.
So here goes:
1. Everyone should be aware of the "gentleman" who appears overly friendly and who, while acting overly friendly, always makes sure that your drink is full. Trust me this happens all the time. A guy attaches himself to your hip and appears very nice and wholesome. He may not be drinking as much as you, but he always is sure that your drink is full. Please, be aware that his motives may be getting you drunk and then taking advantage of you.
2. Always watch your drink. We have all heard of the date rape drug and the fact that it tends to make you pass out. Yes, it is illegal in this country, but so is marijuana and I would guess that most of know a way to get some weed if we wanted to. The point is that it is not a good idea to leave your drink alone or not attended. Take it with you to the bathroom. If you leave it alone, get another drink. Hey, a keg beer does not cost much and most people who throw parties and charge admission will make quite a profit. If they will not provide you with another drink, realize that you dealing with a bunch of jerks.
3. Travel with a partner or trusted friend when going to parties. Yeah, I know that there are those nights that you want to live on the wild side and see what a party is like even though none of your friends want to go. Please, be careful if you decide to do this. Better yet, do not go to a party unless you know and trust some of the people there. A number of groups on campus can get wild and crazy and when there is no one there who "truly" cares about you, it can be a tough situation and one where you are on your own. So, please consider skipping parties where you will be alone.
4. Make sure you have a safe way home. We all know that you are grown and independent woman now that you at college. You do not have to prove it by going to dangerous or doing dangerous things when you get to school. Keep in mind that the two minute walk home from your friends house in your hometown is not necessarily as dangerous as the one you might take on campus. The point is this: You do not know the neighborhood or the people like you do at home. You never will know all of them and then there are people from off campus. Additionally, most campuses are lined with a lot of trees and shrubs for beautification purposes. However, the beauty of the campus often lends itself to making the campus a dangerous place. The bottom line is to always accept an escort who you trust or walk with a friend.
5. Remember, that feeling like a "fool" or a "priss" is a lot better than what the potential consequences are. DO NOT feel dumb because you want to call an escort. DO NOT feel prissy because you will not enter a guy's room with just him. DO NOT FEEL silly because you reported a person who you felt might be stalking you. In other words, trust your gut and act on it.
6. Avoid giving out your keys and always lock your doors. I know, you have the guy who wants to meet you at your place, right? Let him wait. If he truly cares about you he can wait or call when you get home. Also, explain your feelings about keys to your roommate(s). Let them know that you do want them lending out keys. You never know who you are dealing with until you truly know them and this usually takes a good deal of time.
7. Be careful about how much you drink. Yeah, I consumed copious amounts of alcohol in college so I can assure you that I am not a lightweight when it comes to drinking and understand the need for a buzz. That said, realize that guys do take advantage of girls who have had too much to drink. I know, "News Flash"! In all seriousness, it happens a lot and keeping yourself to a good buzz rather than falling over drunk lowers your chances of being a victim.
8. Just say "NO". I know that you have heard this more times than you can remember, but it rings true when it comes to sex, as well as drugs. Say "NO"! If the guy does not listen or persists, get help. Yell and scream if you have to. I can assure you that a smack from him is a lot easier to deal with than being forced to do something that you do not want to do.
9. Be wary of date rape. I have read that this is the most frequent type of rape and believe it. Again, use your lungs to and voice to let the guy know that you are not interested in his advances. If the situation gets out of hand, scream. Never feel embarrassed about what people will think. So what if people think you are a prude. The thought and belief will pass and if it does not, as a last resort, you can always transfer. Yes, you can physically remove yourself from the school. However, it is very difficult to remove the thoughts of a dreadful experience from your mind.
10. Report it. Should the horror occur, report it. I know that I am a guy and may be crossing the line, but I feel that by reporting it you may be preventing future attacks from occurring and if all goes well your attacker will pay for his actions. I agree that this is a personal decision and cannot begin to imagine the difficulty of the situation, but I would suggest that you should not let the person feel that he got away with his actions and feel that he can do so again.
The most important thing that I have heard and read is that you need to trust your gut feeling. In other words, if you do not feel 100% comfortable with your gut feeling, do something to make yourself a little safer. Or, remove yourself from the situation. Also, do not worry about what others will think. Better safe and embarrased than sorry. Finally, I would suggest getting a protective devise like mace or pepper spray. My feeling is that this cannot hurt and often will be a deterrent if someone knows you have it.
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