"No Mon', No Fun, Yo' Son" "Too Bad, So Sad, Yo' Dad."

Jan 27, 2000

How many of us college students have turned away some door-to-door salesman with the phrase, "I don't have money, I'm a college student!" I mean, going to college, and not having cash just go hand-in-hand. Seeing as how I've managed to only have to ask my folks for money twice in this venture (And they owed me the first batch of money.) I figure I'm doing ok.

Tip #1. Don't get a credit card.
I know they're all over the place. They're up on you like the cigarette industry is up on teen smoking. On top of that they give out free shirts...a college necessity. So, just go up, put down your real name, and a fake telephone number, a fake address, and a fake social security number. That way you get your shirt, and you don't get suckered into the credit card debt thing. Having no money sucks, but being in debt sucks even worse. I've heard stories of guys who have more debt than I make in a year...and I work full time! Accumulating debt full time is not a wise financial plan. Any moron can do it, and sadly, a truckload actually do.

Tip #2. Wise consumption.
You've got $20. Now how do make that last until the next paycheck, which is oh, 10 days from now? It's all about Cup O' Noodles. Sure, you gotta eat 2 or 3 before you're satisfied, but they're like, what 3 for a buck? You just ate dinner for a buck. You rule. If you don't like Cup O' Noodles, you can always get a loaf of bread, some deli meat & cheese, and some mayo for around $10. If you are the type of sick individual that likes pasta, I've got a friend who has lived nearly his entire college life on spaghetti...without meat. We call him "the Waif"...amongst other things...but he'd get mad if I mentioned the other nicknames on here. This way, your $20 will last you til the next paycheck, at which time you can reward yourself with a tasty $.99 Carl's Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich.

Tip #3. Don't be a herb.
I knew a couple girls who got summer jobs at the Gap. They were so stoked that they got discounts that they would spend their entire paychecks in the store. Can you belive that?! That'd be like working at Taco Bell, and buying 1,000 tacos when you got paid. (These incidentally, were the same girls who took the bus to the mall, spent all their money, and missed the last bus home, and had to call us for a ride.) Anyway, why bother wearing a big logo emblazoned shirt when NOBODY CARES ANYMORE! This isn't high school, people. I've got more video game shirts in my wardrobe than I have actual store bought shirts. They fit just fine, they are uber cool, they keep me clothed, and they are free. (Yeah, try and act like you don't wish you had a MechWarrior 3 t-shirt...) If you're going to spend $50 on a label t-shirt, like Fubu, or Tommy Hilfiger, or Nike, (and look like a 'tard.) then keep an eye out for my new line of clothing "LabelWear". "Label"...it'll be bigger than the Gap..and have better commercials.

Tip #4. Back the "other" guy.
Sure, it's not the "Leading National Brand", but I've always been suspicious of them anyway...you ever wonder why they don't in second sometimes? No...they're always leading...For instance, when I had to upgrade m last system..did I buy Intel? (The "evil inside".) Heck no! AMD all the way, baby! $1,000 21-inch Iiyama monitor? Nope. $300 Philips 17-inch floor model. Buy a CD? No, go to Napster and download all the good songs...um, wait...I mean, no...trade in 5 at the Wherehouse and get it for free, yeah, that's it. The list goes on. You don't need to pay for a product name. Buy something of equivalent value for way less money. If you are exceptionally cheap, check out sites like dealnews.com, and dealcatcher.com to get the heads up on being frugal.

Tip #5. Learn How To Cook!
This is important...considering how many females I've run into down here in Irvine who DON'T COOK! I know more men that cool than I do women. What happened!? Anyways, point being, we manage to save cash cooking our own food here. One guy takes the hit occasionally and cooks up a big pot of something (And despite popular notion, no I don't only cook when I have a date over.) and the other guys grab some, too. Curry keeps well, so do other stew type things. Ross' ever tasty Basque Chicken is not too ill affected by the ravages of the refigerator, and there are tons of others. Guys, and girls alike, it's not that dificult to look at a recipe book, and figure out how not to burn a meal. Eating out costs a ton, unless it's your only meal of the day. So cook your own meals...they'll probably taste better anyway.

Well...any comments? Let me know how much money my tips have saved you...maybe I'll add more.

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Member: Clayton Chan
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