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Are You Nuts?Jul 07 '00 Write an essay on this topic.If your kid is in college, chances are he or she is 18+ years old. The government considers them legal adults; why are you giving an adult money?? College is a time for your youngun to realize his or her independence, to break free from the bonds, to experience life in all its splendor…by learning that the Real World is going to kick them in the ass. I roomed with a little yuppie East Coast chick my first year of school at the University of Arizona. She was a sorority girl and had two siblings (not quite as annoying as her) who also were going to the UofA. Her parents were rich (obviously – they had 3 kids in school!) and would send her money almost every week. She had no job and no car; she didn’t know how to drive – who needs to learn how to drive when all your rich friends and family can drive you around everywhere? I could go on about how she was also a lush, but I suppose that’s irrelevant (subliminal message: rich kid without a job = raging alcoholism). She was the most annoying thing in my life at that time (“Dad, I need $200 for a dress for our sorority function next week”), and my suppressed memory that has now unsuppressed itself, wants to warn all you college-student parents out there: STOP! You’re turning your kids into irritating, useless scamps of society. Kids who haven’t learned by the time they are 18 or 19 that life is tough are just destined to be living with their parents when they are 25. And then they’ll be going to therapy for the better part of their 30’s because they are lonely since no one wants to date some loser who lives at home with Mom. Guess who’ll be paying for the therapy? What will happen if you give your ‘kid’ an allowance in college: a.) He/she will call you asking for more, it will not be hard for them to accomplish suckering you into sending more because, hey – they’re in college and NEED the money for school-related activities and/or items (aka the “Guilt Trip” theory and the “What a Sucker!” theory) b.) He/she will be so accustomed to you sending money on a schedule that if you miss a date, they will be completely bewildered as to how they are going to eat (aka the “I’m a Helpless Imp” theory”) c.) He/she will never develop a sense of value for personal belongings, end up breaking his/her roommate’s Walkman, not do anything about it (hey - their parents should be sending them money to replace it!), then take the money you just sent them and buy a snazzy new pair of Nikes instead. THEN the roommate kills your son/daughter for breaking the Walkman and for being a snotty Soc, the body is found 2 days later hanging naked from the shower head, and the murder is pinned on a local gang known for killing kids for their snazzy new Nikes (aka the “Mi Vida Loca” theory) d.) He/she will always have money and be the most popular kid on campus, however, when they graduate with their “Theatre Arts” degree they will move back in with you and invite all their friends from college over for dinner – which you will be expected to cook (aka the “Stephen Baldwin” theory) What will happen if you tell your ‘kid’ to GET A JOB: a.) He/she will understand checks and balances and the value of a buck (aka the “Hey! What’s this FICA junk they’re taking out my check?” theory) b.) He/she will be working to pay their bills, and therefore their job is something they would like to keep and they actually try to do it well (aka the “I’m a Valuable Member of Society” theory) c.) He/she will learn that minimum wage really sucks so they try harder in their school work to do well and get a better job when they graduate (aka the “You’re SO right – this World Religion degree is NOT going to land me any jobs that pay more than $18,000/year” theory) d.) He/she will be a fully-functional citizen when they graduate – able to get their own residence, their own car, and hopefully be able to cook their own meals (aka the “Thanks Mom and Dad, for not turning me into an annoying and spoiled little sh*thead” theory) Do it for the children.  |
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