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Best LessonJan 29 '00 (Updated Feb 08 '00) Write an essay on this topic.My father is a very wise man. Over my 35 years he has given me great advise (see my review on "College Survival Tips"), and done things that have taught me valuable lessons. Although I griped with it then, one of them involves what he "would pay for" and what he "would not" while I was in college. I didn't get an "allowance", but I could count on the things he "did & wouldn't" pay for. These things are going to be the focus of this epinion. Before I go on, I want to admit that I *know* I was very fortunate that my father did pay for the things he did! I have always been grateful for his generosity. He COULD have afforded to do more, but he has always been "fair" and I'm glad he didn't. It taught me to be more responsible for myself. What was paid for: ~Books & school supplies. He wanted to make sure we bought what we needed to get the job done. ~Meal Plan. This was the 3 meals a day meal plan at the college. As long as I lived on campus, I was allowed 3 meals. My father knew me enough to know that (at that young age) if I needed money for anything else (say, going to the movies), I would skip a meal or two if it meant doing something social. This meal plan was as much for him as it was for me; food didn't become important to me until later in life, and he hated worrying about whether I was eating. ~A place to live in. My father always made sure I had a roof over my head. I opted to stay in my (all-girl) dorm for all 4 years of undergraduate. However, when I stayed for 2 summers (because of my job), I needed to "rent" an apartment for those two months. Because I wasn't staying for academic reasons, and because I would be working full time, I had to pay my own rent (which thank goodness was at "sublet" prices) and meals. ~All phone calls home & to my grandmothers. This was the best gift of all. I never had to hesitate to call home or speak to my grandmothers. If I had a dilemma, a question, worry, stress, a favor to ask, exciting news to share, I could call home (or to my father's office) freely. Before college I always called my grandmothers every week, and he didn't want this to stop either. ~Gas & Car repairs. First I want to clarify, I wasn't "allowed" to bring my car until my sophomore year, I needed to get a job, and because my father decided he wanted to see me home whenever I could manage it on the weekends. I only drove to work, home, and an occasional trip to the mall or a restaurant. Ithaca College was a 5 & a half hour drive from home (on a good day, with clear weather). It took a full tank of gas to get home, and a full tank of gas to get back. My car didn't need any repairs that I can think of, but it was one less thing to worry about. ~ One meal out each month. As long as I continued to maintain my good grades, my father told me to use my "emergency & school supply only" credit card to treat myself & a friend to restaurant food once a month. This treat didn't mean an "expensive" restaurant, just a "Ruby Tuesday" type place. This was something I looked forward to! What he didn't Pay for. ~ Entertainment, non-school related purchases, "frills". . If I wanted to do my laundry, buy household supplies, go to the movies, a dance, go "downtown" at night, buy new clothes or anything for my room, including food (delivered food is sooo necessary sometimes when you are studying!). . .these things were my responsibility. It doesn't sound like much, but when all you have in your savings account is what you managed to save the summer before, and you have your first credit card to pay off, it all adds up! And if my homework was done and my friends were all going out, I wanted to go too. Social nights at college were expensive! Unlike most of my friends (who got an allowance, in addition to the things my father paid for), I got a job at a local Sheraton Hotel. I started as a hostess, then added a few nights of waitressing. . eventually moving my way up (in 3 years) to become the dining room supervisor, working 25-30 hours a week in addition to my 12 credits at school. This employment was the best "vehicle of growth" for me. It forced me to take myself even more seriously than I had before. I had to organize my time better and prioritize my activities. To my surprise, my "job" became more important than socializing; I was only "going out" once a week, if that. But I managed to learn to really take pride in my work, and taking care of all my non-school related expenses. I had had a job since I was 16 years old, but this job was "different". I highly recommend that parents contemplating "how much of an allowance" to send to their college-bound kids to consider the valuable lesson I learned by NOT having one. Again, I know my father paid for alot more than most will be able to. I *do* feel lucky and know he was VERY generous with me. But I do feel it is important to make your kids learn to be responsible for some of their own expenses. If you don't start at this point, they will go "into shock" when they are completely "cut off" after college!  |
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