Tough Decisions - When Your College Student is Unhappy! Mar 09 '00    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The college years - I've got 10 years experience! Both of my sons did 5-year plans, which today is very common. That is another epinion! During that time, I solidified some pretty strong opinions about things my kids had to deal with. I will share my experience with one of my sons who had a ...."semester from hell"! One of my sons, Chris, went to Syracuse University. He had originally applied for the School of Engineering, with the hopes of studying Aerospace Engineering. He was accepted into the School of Computer Science and decided to take that because Syracuse was his first choice. He loved it from the start and did great there. He did three semesters at Syracuse U. but was still in the Computer Science School and that really wasn't he wanted. I didn't want to spend the exorbitant tuition for S.U. if he still wasn't sure what he wanted to be when he grew up. We discussed this and he chose to apply to University of Buffalo and go for the Aerospace Engineering. School there which was topnotch! He was accepted, and arrangements were made and the following semester he headed excitedly off to Buffalo. It was January, and if you've ever been to Buffalo you know..... that means SNOW and lots of it! About a week after he got there, I got that dreaded phone call that all mothers fear...... he was miserable! The January semester is not the best time to make a change...... 90% of the kids have been there for half the school year already, have made friends, are very involved and connected and the new people are not even noticed. Chris is one of those kids that's quiet at first, until he knows you, then he's the life of the party. He was having trouble meeting anyone, and was not thrilled with the classes! Like most mothers, I thought this would pass if he could just connect with someone! So I encouraged him to get out. Go to some of the group functions, join a club, sign up for a sport get involved! Good advise I think, and he tried. Nothing.....a week or so went by and I received another call, arrrrggghhhh! He was miserable, hated it, didn't want to be there. At this point, I gave him the "You Have To Finish What You Begin" speech. This had always been one of Chris' LEAST strong suits. He was a trooper, he knew I was right, so we chatted till he sounded better and hung up. More time went by.... he called me almost every night, usually sounding pretty down but I'd give him a pep talk, get him laughing, and we'd get through one more day..... Well....here it comes.....the REALLY HARD part! One night the phone rings, and I already know who it is..... but tonight he's in tears! I can feel the knife blade twist in my stomach! He wants to quit, can't take it any more, hates it! My heart went out to him and I was torn in shreds! What do I do??????? The mother in me just wanted to get in the car, drive the 9-10 hour trip and hold him in my arms, then pack his bags and bring him home with me. But I didn't. I tried like the devil to get him to go for counseling but he resisted that one to the bitter end. During this time, he came home several times for long-weekends and that helped a lot! We could boost his spirits, he could see some old friends, and go back revived some. But it didn't last long. The last six weeks of that semester, he called me every night in tears and I would spend hours on the phone with him until he sounded OK to me. It was torturous for both of us! He was unhappy and I wanted to fix it for him. I was very grateful to have had 25+ years experience in psychology. It was an enormous help in having a few of the right things to say on those long long phone calls. The upshot was..... he stayed in Buffalo for the whole semester! I was very proud of him because I KNEW how hard it had been for him. As parents we want our kids to always be happy and I think that's the way it should be! As hard as that semester was, we both learned a lot!!!!!! Not book learning, although he did very well in his classes, but personal growth! Chris learned he was stronger than he thought, he had made it, the worst 5 months of his life, but HE DID IT! He was proud too and came away from that experience feeling very good about himself! It was brutal holding my ground and making him stay there but I'm glad I did! I would suggest you keep them close to home, not more than 4 hours away for the first couple of years, that way if you have a tough semester, they are close enough for a weekend at home now and again for rejuvenating! Today he thrives and nothing makes a mother feel better!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not saying this approach will work for everyone! You know your kids, their strengths and weaknesses, listen to them, LOVE & SUPPORT them and together you can get through anything!

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