Sleeping With Your Best Friend- A Good Idea?

Sep 28, 2000

Seriously? You thought that sleeping with your best friend was a good idea and everything would just blow over the next day? Things would return to how they were before "the incident", right? The two of you would just go on with life like nothing had changed and the world was a great place, right? Guess again.

First of all, this epinion is not about sex (Unless you sleep with the same sex person and he/she happens to be your best friend), but about sharing a room with your best friend for an extended period of time. It is about the pitfalls that arise from this sort of living arrangement.

Secondly, I am a guy and can offer a slightly less "bitchy" point of view. Sorry, but yes I do believe that men are much less caddy than women, but that is another epinion altogether. So, yes, I will explain the pitfalls that occur and from a guy's point of view looking in.

So, without further delay, here are the main reasons why you should not sleep with your best friend:

1. SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO BRANCH OUT: Most people I know went away to school and knew few others. The very first person they met was their roommate and those in the adjoining rooms. A lot of these people became great friends and still keep in touch at the old age of 29 or 30. Would your friendships be as close if you spent all of your time with the same person who you have known all your life?

Lets face it, you would much less likely to seek out the company of the people in the next room if you had your best friend around all of the time. Hence, the inability to branch out and meet knew people.

2. YOU BECOME ONE AND THE SAME: Sleeping with your best friend can mend the two of you into one and the same. What?? You will share clothes and books. Have the same friends. Probably eat the same foods. Keep the same hours. Go home the same weekends. Travel the same trips. Fight the same fights. In other words, you fail to form your own identity. this happens because you are already fairly similar or you would not be best friends in the first place. Then, when you spend all of your time together, you become more and more like the other person.

3. FIGHTS ARE MORE DIFFICULT: In high school you had a fight or a disagreement withyour best friend and you simply avoided them or moved onto a different crowd for a period of time. If you become even closer and live together you will be hard pressed to do these things when a problem arises. Why? The answer is that more than likely you will have the same friends and, regardless of the friends, you will be returning to the same 6" X 7" space and be forced to spend time with someone who you are angry with.

4. HABITS BECOME ANNOYING: She uses too much hair spray at 700am. He passes gas too often. She gets up at 500am for her 900am class in order to put on makeup. He watches porn before going to bed at 330am. She does not clean. He is too messy. She invites her boyfriend back for the evening and they have sex. He does not have a girlfriend, but has plenty of sex anyway (sort of). All she does is get high. He drinks every night. Her feet smells. His body smells. She likes pop music. He watches the X- Files. She sits around naked. He wore my jeans sans underwear.

Would some, all, or any of these things annoy you? I sure as hell would be annoyed by many of them- although if I was living with a female best friend she could walk around naked anytime she wanted to. Now, yes, anyone can do these annoying things. However, asking someone to stop or change is often easier when you know they will be out of your hair in just a few months. Another problem is seeing and living these annoying habits that someone you thought you knew well actually possesses.

5. YOU BOTH CHANGE: Think of it this way: The two of you grew up together and always liked the same things whether it be sports, movies, or guys/girls. Suddenly, one of you begins to change. The change is usually very abrupt and noticeable to those who know you very well.

For instance, your best friend begins drinking heavily or becomes "easy". Sure, you can talk about it and you should, but this is someone who you have known all you life and suddenly you do know the person at all. I think it is a lot easier to deal with kind of situation if you are dealing with someone who you do not as well.

6. THE DISASTER: Ok, things get as bad as they can get and you decide to move out. When it is your best friend, moving will sound like a divorce to those who know you. The gossip will flow and the *#%$ will get deep. Moving out from a freaky roommate who you never knew before going to college is easy- no one really cares, or more likely, they agree that the smelly, slob is impossible to live with and they cheer your decision.

7. SAVE THE FRIENDSHIP: Say the above problems occur. What is the result? Where does the friendship lead? More than likely, the friendship will be headed for trouble in the short term (The rest of college), but further down the road things can be revived.

In the short term, the bond that pulled the two of you together will be really tough to mend. One of you broke the bond and it hurt the other person. The other person will make new friends and move on to better things. The two of you will grow apart and it will be tough to come together again.

In the long term, the two of you might realize that the "break" was silly and mend the hurt feelings. I have found that this often happens at weddings or other "holiday" type events after extended abscences from each other's lives.


I would strongly suggest not sleeping with your best friend. Make more new friends and keep your best friendship alive and well by avoiding the situation altogether. Surely, live in the same dorm or even on the same hall. Just avoid the same room!

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