Tweet Your Woofer Carefully!
May 17 '00
Installing speakers in your vehicle can quickly turn into a nasty adventure, replete with midcourse wiring nightmares and the kind of finished product that smacks of the Fred Flintstone School Of Interior Design. For many of us (judging from my quick daily poll of the road warriors I see on my daily commute), this is good enough, particularly if the wheels being fitted out are a little gamey to begin with. I am frequently bemused by one such car, which reminds me a lot of the Blues Brothers with the huge speaker on their car's roof as they advertised their upcoming blues review, except for the fact that the single (is monaural sound making a comeback I am unaware of?) humongous speaker is mounted INSIDE the car, on the back window shelf, the better apparently to liquify the brains of the vehicle's occupants.
But I digress. I assume you are the kind of consumer that wants 1. good sound coming from a 2. nice package which was 3. tastefully installed by yourself 4. to avoid the usual stereo store labor prices. Here are some tips on how to pull this off.
o When you cut a hole in something to mount a speaker, make sure your hole A. isn't too large (looks tacky when the speaker doesn't completely cover the hole, B. isn't too small (looks tacky when the speaker has the appearance of having been stuffed into a place it didn't really want to go, C. isn't through a structurally significant portion of your vehicle (hard to enjoy the sound when something is sagging near the breaking point), or D. doesn't emerge on the outside of the vehicle (particularly in frozen northern climes).
o Use a reasonable tool to cut speaker holes. This does not include chainsaws, picks, Skilsaws, Dremel tools, or cold chisels. Remember, a light touch here can pay dividends later.
o Take the time to hide your speaker wires instead of just running them uncovered through the vehicle's interior, or at the very least use wires whose colors blend in with the interior. No need for R12 Romex here, my friends!
o Take care not to install your speaker set so that at certain frequencies you get standing waves inside the car that are to your ears as the microwave oven is to that urban legend chihuahua. Hint: if you hemorrhage through any hole in your head when you turn up the volume, something may be amiss.
o Avoid the temptation for creative wiring, like connecting your speakers to the turn signal so you only get sound bursts when the signal goes off, or through the cigarette lighter so the volume increases as the element heats up. This will seem really cool at first but the novelty will wear off quickly.
o After installing your Bose-quality speakers, take a little time to make them look more like K-Mart specials to avoid sending an unwanted signal to that segment of society that believes what's theirs is theirs and what's yours is theirs as well.
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Member: Dave Fietz
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