I wish they would let me sum up Coors in one word: Bleah!
Specifics:
I have to ramble a bit about specifically how bad it is.
OK, then: It is not highly carbonated. Ergo, flat. There is not much hop to it. Ergo, no zing. There is not much alcohol to it. Ergo, no buzz. There is not much anything to it. Ergo, it doesn't taste like much. It is just diluted beer-flavored water to my palate. A German gentleman of my acquaintance once took a sample of Coors to a laboratory for testing, and in the results they were sorry to inform him that his horse had diabetes.** And as for the Rocky Mountain spring water, well thanks to us human beings, virtually all pristine western streams are infested with Girardia, so I'm sure they boil any clean fresh taste out of it before adding it to their brew.
Who should drink Coors and why and when:
All of the above can be advantageous if you don't really like beer. Coors tastes more like water. So if you think you will look cool holding a beer but you really don't like beer, help yourself to a Coors. Also, I can imagine that Coors might be somewhat refreshing ice cold on an extremely hot day after a bike ride or some other activity.*
Where to buy Coors:
Twenty years ago or so Coors maintained a western mystique by not being sold east of the Mississippi--some tommy rot about it being an unpasteurized beer that would lose its taste if it wasn't kept cold or something. We westerners chuckled whenever we heard of people smuggling Coors east and raving on about how good it would have been if it hadn't had such a harrowing trip, because we always knew that Coors didn't have any taste to begin with. In 2000, Coors is available most places beer is sold, east or west of the Mississippi.
Food to eat with Coors:
Cap'n Crunch. Kraft Macaroni and cheese dinner. Pudding Pops. Ice Cream. Anything. Since Coors has no flavor to speak of, it won't clash with any food you want to put with it. This is its major advantage.
Why I don't drink Coors:
The Coors company has fascist right-wing politics that I don't care for. Even though their beer is relatively cheap and they spend beaucoup bucks trying to convince you how cool it is, they are still making a killing on it. It is cheaply mass produced mostly water product. Truly good beers make their own case without any help from John Elway. And me, I'd rather not contribute to Mr. Adolph Coors' cause.
This is just my epinion. I like robust beers.
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*Beer or any other alcohol is not recommended after EXTREME activity where there is danger of dehydration, heatstroke, or heat exhaustion. It will only make these conditions worse.
**This is a joke. I just didn't want to use any vulgar equine by-product terms to describe this product.
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