Why I Don't Have Any
May 11 '00 (Updated Sep 27 '07)
The Bottom Line What are you, nuts?
Life insurance is not for single, childless people. I mean, who do you really want profiting from your death?
The day I take out a life insurance policy is the day Mastercard puts a bounty on my head.
However small the possibility, tempting one of my family members into cutting my brake line is just not worth the "peace of mind" that insurance sales agents promise. Besides, what peace of mind is involved in considering my death (and, moreover, the little value attributed to my existence)?
According to all good actuarial tables, I am worth about $4.37, and should expire by June of next year. I don't want to deal with insurance companies.
Sometimes I'm forced to have insurance, like when my employer takes it out on me (something that makes me very, very uncomfortable; what if, instead of firing me, they decide to send me on a business trip to Beirut?). I mean, I like my company and all, but I have hard time believing that they're providing me a service, free-of-charge, out of pure benevolence.
There are a couple ways to ameliorate the threat of untimely death-for-profit. You can, for instance, make a political candidate your beneficiary (this is, of course, assuming you have more than $1,000 worth of insurance on your life). Candidates are only allowed to receive a limited amount ($1,000) from an individual, so an investigation will be launched into the circumstances surrounding your death.
Make sure everyone knows you have done this, and that they are aware of the implications- it's no good to have the deterrent in place if it's secret.
You can have the money allotted to the U.S. Treasury. Those nice folks at the BATF and Secret Service will probably want to know why they're getting money BACK, and will look into your cause of death. (Again, advertisement is key.)
Pick a fake name to be the sole beneficiary. Give that name a fake address in Zimbabwe. Your estate will dwindle to nothing trying to locate the recipient, and nobody will profit from your death (this is a spiteful enterprise, not an effective deterrent, but somewhat comforting nonetheless).
Refuse to take the insurance. Offer to contribute your coverage as additional support to another employee's current policy- say, your supervisor. You'll be amazed not only how nicely they treat you, but how cautious they are around you.
Suffice it to say, there is no good reason to have life insurance if you have no dependants, and one big bad one. Why be a target if you don't need the protection?
If you dug this Epinion, you might want to check out my book, available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/1001-Things-Do-You-Dare/dp/1598691201/ref=sr_11_1/002-3020328-5072004
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Member: Ben Malisow
Location: Vegas
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About Me:
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Now buy my books.
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