My Life Stuffed in a Jar
May 12 '00
Memories, no matter how important or seemingly ordinary, are like fingerprints on our soul. Unique to each individual as the whorls and ridges on the edges of our fingertips. The sum of our total existence... defining who we are today and determining what we will become tomorrow. Within those memories, lies a gift. The single most important gift that you can ever bestow upon another person...a Memory Jar.
WHAT IS A MEMORY JAR?:
If you’re like me, you may have reached a point in your life where you value love, friendship and family above all else. Extravagant gifts no longer hold the same importance they once did and you wish to give gifts reflecting your newly discovered values. You’ve run out of ideas or simply don’t know where to begin. By spending just a bit of time, energy and love (and very little money), you can create a Memory Jar for the special people in your life.
A Memory Jar is a jar (although it can be in any form you wish, such as a basket) which contains a number of memories that you share with someone special in your life. You determine the number of memories and the manner in which they are presented. Keep it simple or make it as elaborate as your time and budget permit.
The idea of a Memory Jar is not originally mine. I make no claims for originality (although I wish that I could). I simply took an idea that I discovered and adapted it to meet my particular gift giving needs. I am strictly sharing my personal experience. Borrow as many of these ideas as you wish, or use it as a starting point for your own unique gift. Whatever you choose to do, you will create a gift that will be cherished and loved by the recipient.
AND THE MEMORY GOES TO...:
Create a memory jar for anyone who is important in your life. It can be a spouse, child, parent or other relative. Your best friend. A favorite teacher. A boss. Anyone who has helped to shape your life and your memories.
The recipients of my Memory Jar were my parents. Anyone who knows me personally or has read my editorials, knows that I grew up in a dysfunctional, often abusive home. The idea of creating a Memory Jar for my parents may seem inconsistent, if not odd. I understand your skepticism. After all, how could there possibly be a lifetime of positive memories for two people who made much of my life and childhood miserable? I admit that it was a challenge, but one that not only proved to be the best gift I ever gave, but the best gift I ever received in return.
Three years ago, I ended a long, painful estrangement from my parents. They had undergone a remarkable transformation and I had grown into a more mature, forgiving adult. A year ago our relationship had progressed to the point where I knew that I needed to express my new found love and forgiveness for them. I had spent a lifetime telling them what they did wrong...I now needed to tell them what they had done right. For Christmas 1998, there was no question what gift they would receive from me...a Memory Jar.
HOW I CRAMMED MY LIFE IN A JAR (or How to Create a Memory Jar):
The Memories:
I first had to determine a set number of memories to include. This would allow me to give instructions such as “Read one memory each day”. Although I know some people who have created jars filled with a year's worth of individual memories (I am in awe of anyone who can accomplish this feat), that number appeared daunting to me and nearly impossible considering my life circumstances. I elected to focus on one memory for each week of the year...for a total of 52. A large enough number to have an impact, but not so overwhelming that I would never meet the challenge.
To write the memories, I utilized my computer publishing program to make greeting cards that could be printed directly from my computer. You can use either ready made computer card paper, or simply print and fold heavier card stock paper (following the directions in your publishing program). I used ready made computer card paper.
First, I designed the front of the card. I wanted to have a Victorian inspired look to the cards, so I chose an appropriate filigree border. In the center of the border...on the face of the card, I used a fancy script font and typed the words: "I remember...". I then saved the card without adding anything to the inside. If you do this, you only have to create the card once.
After the card was saved on my computer, I opened it and then wrote my first memory (using the same font as the front of the card). Write the memory beginning in lower case because it is a continuation of the phrase or thought from the front of the card. For example:
Front:
I remember...
Inside:
how you built an ice rink in our backyard one winter, after a group of “hockey bullies” took over the local neighborhood rink. The ice was bumpy and had ridges, but it was all ours and it remains one of my favorite childhood memories.
I then saved and printed this card. Since my first memory had been printed, I then opened the saved card again, deleted the last memory I wrote and then wrote and printed a new one. This is a tremendous time saver as the card format, fonts and borders (on the front of the card) were only created once. The only thing you change is the interior message or memory. Just make sure you remember to print after each new memory has been created. This will also allow you to work on this project over a course of days, weeks or even months. Create and print a memory as time permits or as you think of a new one.
Worthy Memories:
Any memory that you deem important is worthy of a place in the jar. If it is important to you, it will be important to the person who receives it. It can be as simple as remembering certain smells and sounds that defined your family life, or a touching memory involving a cherished gift or special occasion. Its your life. Your memories. Do not hesitate to include it.
I quickly wrote 15 memories within the span of an hour and then experienced a case of serious writer’s block. I began to think my efforts were futile...perhaps I really did not have more than 15 positive memories worth sharing. It was frustrating and a bit disheartening. I decided to step away from the project for several days to clear my head and jog my memory.
A few days later, I opened the project again and began writing some simple memories...like eating open faced tomato sandwiches from tomatoes that grew in my father’s much prized garden. Drinking grape and orange Nehi soda that we purchased in wooden cases at the local gas station...the bottles were glass and returnable and always reminded me of summer. Playing a game of “whirlpool” in the backyard pool. The memory of waking up to my father’s Serbian folk music each Sunday morning. Silly, innocent memories. Memories that mattered to me.
Suddenly, the doors to my memory bank unleashed and a tide of memories flowed. Remembering positive experiences and family memories that lay buried under a childhood of pain. Having spent so much of my life focusing on the negative aspects of my childhood, I had forgotten the positive. I had not anticipated these new memories and new feelings of love and respect for my parents. Memories that included my father (who was already in his 60’s) accompanying us to school each day after our neighborhood had become unsafe...my mother filling our home with books even though she was an immigrant who struggled with the language and seemed so removed from our education and academic achievements. One memory triggered another and so on. With very little effort, I soon accumulated my 52 needed memories.
Presentation is Everything:
Once my memory cards were completed and printed, I secured the open ends with a beautiful Victorian style flower sticker. I did this in order to make the cards lie flat and neat in the jar. As with all aspects of this project, this step is entirely optional.
I opted to use an actual jar, although a basket, hatbox or other pretty container would serve the same purpose. If the container is decorative, it is like receiving two gifts in one as it can be used long after the last memory has been opened and read (although I have a feeling that many of these memories are never discarded).
I used a gallon glass storage jar with a screw on lid (purchased from my local Container Store). As the jar was rather plain, I purchased a beautiful, shimmery scarf (in gold and bronze hues). I spread the scarf out on a table and placed the jar in the center. I then gathered the scarf up around the jar and secured it at the neck with a rubber band. When I was satisfied with the final effect (making sure the lid and neck of the jar were hidden by the scarf as much as possible), I used a gold cord with tassels to tie the scarf securely to the jar and to disguise the rubber band.
Once my jar was decorated, I placed the cards inside and secured the lid. As an additional decorative element (and to describe the gift), I tied a gift card to the gold cord. I made the card on my computer using the same format and style as the memory cards. The front of the card had the words, Memory Jar and the interior contained a personal message to my parents...telling them why I was giving them this gift and instructions that they were to read one card per week for the next year.
The entire Memory Jar, including materials for the computer generated cards and the jar itself, cost me less than $25. My jar took approximately three weeks to complete, although I worked on it as I found time and memories. Persons with a happier childhood and many positive memories, can probably complete the jar in far less time.
AN UNEXPECTED GIFT:
Words cannot express just how important this gift is...both to the recipient and the giver. My parents live out of state and I regret that I could not experience their initial reaction in person. My mother was practically speechless when she called me that Christmas Eve. Although she is a woman who does not easily express her emotions, she was clearly moved and for the first time in my memory, she told me she loved me.
This gift was so well received and so enjoyable to give, that I intend to create jars for the other important people in my life. I am already working on a Memory Jar that will be presented to my daughter on her 21st birthday, and plan on giving a Gratitude Jar to my sister-in-law this Christmas. Based on the same principle as the Memory Jar, her jar will contain cards which express my gratitude for her and the special place that she holds in my life.
Creating this special gift for my parents was healing. The tears flowed as I created the jar and realized that I had unexpectedly given myself a gift. By recording these memories for my parents, I gave myself the gift of positive remembrance and freed my heart from a lifetime of pain and regret. It allowed me to view my parents and my life in an entirely new perspective. While my parents did fail me, they also succeeded in many smaller ways. I have 52 positive memories to prove it.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Home_Birther
|
|
Location: Midwest
Reviews written: 76
Trusted by: 99 members
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.