14...and if you can believe it, im only asking for 5 things..and only want 5 things...
Oct 03 '00
I was searching for a link to reviews on Five's "Invincible" Album and I come across this editorial...so what the hell, it's not like I ever do my homework...
1. Motivation: Yes, that's right, I NEVER do my homework. I'll do all the class work I can, but I just can't motivate myself to get working. I don't even know how I spend my time anymore, but before I know it, it's gone. And before I can even fix it-I'm slapped with a row of F's. It just hasn't hit me yet. I know I need good grades, but my mind seem's to be lacking in the reality department, and it's taking it quite a while to hit me.
For the whole 8th grade I was on hinges to see if there was possibility of my promotion. Well I made it-but only by a mere point. I'm a smart kid, and I feel underachieving in the likes of all my friends, family, ect. There are the few that know I'm smart, my mom, my best friend, but it's always "Haha...Sammie your stupid". I laugh. Pretend that it's funny, but it's really no laughing matter when it comes to the likes of my graduation or not.
2. To Make In-genius Work: To write something, direct something, play something so intelectually stimulating, and mind-altering. I want people to walk out of a theature and exhale in ode to the beauty of what they just saw. To be amazed. To change the world-just a little, with my word's or my production. I want to be a significant mind, I want to be famous for my work, I want to leave footprints in people's heart's with my films or books.
3. To Be Noticed: Don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of attention. Well..used to. 8th grade was THE memory. I was known. I was liked. I did thing's that broke the rules, I played parts no one else did, but now I'm just like everyone else. I'm just that loser without a guy again. I don't think I'm ugly, and I don't think I'm fat. I'm not skinny, and I'm not beautiful though. And I'm definatly not going to get a boyfriend in the near future. It's not always the boyfriends though, it's just the thought that someone could look at me and think "She's beautiful"...to wish that they could be with me, just as much as I wish I could be with them. I don't need love right now, I don't need commitment, but I would like a little attention.
So what do you think about Amanda "She's Pretty", Jodie "She's Hot" and Sammie "She's Kool". I never thought I was that bad on the eyes or that cruel on the male urges. Geesh..
4. For My Family To Be Happy: Now I was thinking of just saying my mum, but as much as I know she's un-happy, and the fault is mine or my dads, I know how un-happy my dad is to. He doesn't want to be here, I can tell. My mum on the other hand, want's to be here, but she want's to be appreciated. She want's to be told she's loved, respected, and valued. And I just can't do that. I'm not close with my parents, we don't have talks. We don't communicate. I just get bitchy and throw fits if something's not right, and I try to brush off the un-kind aftermath with my words of "I love You" and I do. I love her. I just can't say it that often.
Then there's my Dad. He's such an ass I just wish he would leave sometimes. I'm pretty convinced he wants to be out doing other women. Im pretty convinced he already is. Infact im almost positive. "Tell your mum I'll be home late, okey?" Would you just stop it! If you don't want us, leave. Stop hurting us both, stop hurting yourself!
5.To Have Fun: I'm a fun person, or at-least used to be. I never do anything anymore though. I never have fun. I can have a sleep-over, and laugh, but im not having fun. I just don't know how to do it anymore. In-fact the only thing that sounds exciting to me is having sex or getting drunk. What a way to live. I'm never bored. I'm just not always..well..stimulated.
I don't know if it's the fact I want to have fun, or the fact I wish I had fun different ways. See I'm in love with movies. With writing. With typing. With not so much the internent, but the possibilities the Internet allows you. I feel like before I know it my friends wont be there, I'll be alone, and alone and once again un-happy. When they invite me to do things-I dont want to, but I feel obligated and give in without the slightest hint I'm ready to run away from the situation. I wish I liked to do things with friends. I wish I had more friends. I used to..then came high school and alot have took different roads, and I havn't even seen the others.
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Epinions.com ID:
HiSkoolSucks
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Member: Frances Being NOT blonde..Im NOT about to put it down
Reviews written: 6
Trusted by: 0 members
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