What A Way To Get Jerked Around
Feb 2, 2000
Review by zapbot
Rated a Very Helpful Review
Pros:Quiet, easy to use and clean, and very affordable. A lot of joy for the low price...
Cons:You just can't make a "ton" of dried banana chips in a hurry.
Sometimes a manic-depressive individual swings low. Sometimes they swing high. Like a pendulum, they hardly ever come to dead center. Medication just keeps their swing in rhythm with the rest of the world.
Recommend this product?
Its like the young pup scratching slow because it feels so good, or when he scratches at a frantically furious pace to kick behind on an already full flea. Unlike the old dog, he just never seems to be able to lay on the porch, basking in the Sun, and being at one with the world, knowing fleas have to eat too...
As I stood in line at the convenience store, my pendulum was on a high swing, and my scratch was frantic. Then I noticed the small 3/4 ounce package of dried banana chips... ninety nine cents it said... my mind tripped through the math like light through the dark... $1.32 ounce... $21.12 per pound! I was going to be RICH!
I rushed down to the local "Service Merchandise"... the whole time I figured out how I could put out dehydrated banana chips by the ton... drop my price to seventy five cents... to undercut the competition... use "Seal-A-Bags" to save on packaging... bringing my profit back up to the ninety nine cents.
As I arrived at the store, I'd already figured out where to get cheap bananas, and the Lexmark 3200 could print out high quality professional fan folded labels... a bit slow... but the bananas would need drying time anyway.
Fortunately for me, there was only one kind of dehydrator on the shelf... I couldn't imagine losing profits over trying to choose between two or more of these devices...
This one had it all: Easy cleaning base, dry hot air, five stacking trays, a platter for making fruit rolls... that would be my second money maker... and a well vented cover. I could even twist the handle on top to increase the air flow throughout the entire stack of trays... This was it! "The Food Dehydrator" by "Mr. Coffee" model FD5... how could I go wrong? Top brand, and only twenty five dollars!
I threw the four pounds of bananas on the kitchen table, as I started to unpack the dehydrator... let's see, there's the instructions... don't need those... just plug it in, wash the trays, slice those bananas, place them in a space saving way... maximizes the number of quarter inch slices to a tray. That was it... that was it?
I had a six hour wait before I could taste test those yummy dried banana chips... what to do... oh, yes... design and print those Lexmark 3200 labels. This was going to be a great trip to riches!
About four hours passed, the labels were placed on the "Seal-A-Bags", and they sat stacked... awaiting those tasty chips... should be ready now...
I lifted the top... a bit apprehensively... those thick banana slices sure looked small. Some chips broke up as I tried to get them unstuck from the ventilated trays. Hmmm, should have read that manual. This puppy began to realize the slow scratch wasn't from feeling good... it was more from concern over where that flea actually sat... I finally removed the last chip from the fifth tray... time consuming, but I filled about five small "Seal-A-Bags"... each weighing about an ounce on the food scale. Hmmm, one ounce, one tray... had to remember this ratio.
I realized that "ton" of chips would take about five years or so to make... this wasn't good. I'd completed about six dollars and sixty cents of retail ready banana chips... didn't calculate the actual cost of the "Seal-A-Bags", the labels, or the ink and printer... maybe the tax depreciation would take care of all that.
About this time my wife came in from her day sleeping... she works night shift. She seemed perplexed, but understood fully. "Take your medications?", she asked, and poured her coffee.
She could always tell to which side of time my pendulum was swinging. "What are you doing?"
You could have put my head in a "Seal-A-Bag", and the vacuum between my ears would have imploded it. I tried back tracking and justifying all my efforts.
"I'm trying to make dried banana chips for profit.", I said slowly. "Don't think I can do it from home". I scratched my head. I'd found that flea. "I'd need about five hundred of these... times twenty five dollars each. Don't have twelve and a half grand... need a barn to spread them out too."... just knew I should have read those instructions.
"What are you talking about, and what's that?", inquired my wife.
"That's 'The Food Dehydrator' by 'Mr. Coffee', model FD5... only twenty five dollars.", I replied, trying to sound proud. "Thought I'd make a few bucks selling dried banana chips." I wasn't looking or feeling to well... "But it won't handle the load.", I added.
"Doesn't it work?"... she was smiling, knowing I hadn't taken my medications prior to making my purchase...
"Yeah, it works great... just can't mass produce... not sure I know what I'm going to do now."
"For twenty five dollars, why don't you slice up the brisket, and make jerky?" She sat in the lounge chair in the living room... leaving me to frantically recoup from my disappointment. Wonderful woman... I knew it was that type B personality.
I began gathering all the jerky ingredients... Let's see, 3 cups soy sauce; 1 cup Worcestershire sauce; 1 half lemon; 1 table spoon of butter; 1 tablespoon pepper; 1 half teaspoon salt; 1 half cup of favorite barbecue sauce, and 1 half bottle of my favorite beer (optional)... second half for the cook...
I stirred it all up in a sauce pan on the stove, and, while waiting for it to come to a simmer, I began slicing the brisket into one half inch by three inch strips...
Now I was cookin'... no fleas to scratch here... just resting on the porch. I put all the meat in a large metal bowl, poured the simmering sauce over it, and sat it in the refrigerator for a two hour marinating...
I could smell the sauce all the way through the evening news and "Drew Carey"...
I couldn't wait one second over the two hour limit. I rushed into the kitchen, grabbed the bowl of meat, and placed them on the freshly washed trays. Wife was reading my mind... as usual.
I knew it would take ten or twelve hours in the dehydrator, so I just left it until morning.
Sure enough, the next morning my son Justin and I arose to the magical aroma of fresh jerky... Just about as perfect as a man could ask.
As we bagged up all five trays... well, we probably ate two bags worth as breakfast... we couldn't wait to start another batch.
Justin had to get on the school bus, but I promised him I'd save him some jerky. I sat down in the study, fired up Epinions.com, and knew there was a sale on "The Food Dehydrator" by "Mr. Coffee" in the making here... or at least a good recipe for making jerky... Whew, what a way to get jerked around...
The only thing I would have changed about "The Food Dehydrator" by "Mr. Coffee" is the number of trays. The demand for jerky requires about ten trays, which can be ordered. By the time we put the thing on the shelf for a rest, we had happily processed about every type of fruit and meat we could buy and try. And the demand of friends, family, and coworkers kept this machine in heavy demand.
It worked great, cleaned easily, heated evenly, and kept people coming back for more. All for about twenty five dollars. I felt proud of my purchase.
Actually, I didn't care for the banana chips like everyone else, but the dog and I didn't mind sitting on the porch and sharing the jerky... even scratched now and then
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