So you want to be a Star?: Jennifer North's EZ guide to ROCK N ROLL
Jul 23 '00
I have been going to shows and playing music for about ten years and feel qualified to speak on what works and what doesn't.
The criteria:
The Guitarist: must be the hottest, most popular, or biggest drunk in town. Guitars provide the "noise" in a band, the person who delivers the noise must be notorious!
The Bassist: Must be very cute and never speak in public. Bonus points for an actual mute!
The Singer: Must be a good dancer, charming and make exceptionally good small talk.
The Drummer: Must be the only person in the band with any skill. A bad band with a bad drummer is just boring, a bad band with a good drummer is still danceable, a bad band with a great drummer is a great band.
Bonuses:
Any applicants with the following should be given priority:
-a van (how are you getting to shows & practice?)
-a basement or garage (for practice!)
-tattoos (a distinguishing trademark for your band?)
-independent wealth (even if you're band is awful, it is still a pricey venture)--jobs suck!
Strategies:
Some people will say the best way to find people to play with is to look in local music publications' classifieds, it is my belief that should be the last resort! Only to be used when someone has unexpectedly quit and you need a replacement ASAP or if you are a "serious musician"* If people are writing to these magazines saying they can't find anyone to play with it is because they are: 1. no fun, 2 really bad, 3. annoying 4. all of the above.
I suggest you go to parties and shows and spread the word you are starting a band. You may have to cement a reputation by spending a few years bombarding your way into other people's bands.
It is also a common practice to "steal" people from other bands. While this may be a good way of getting someone really cool in your band it is a lot like stealing a boyfriend. If they left someone else for you you dont have much reassurance they won't bail on you at an inopportune time.
If you live in a small town or just can't find anyone to play with I highly recommend demanding your friends learn to play whatever instruments are lacking in your band. Most people will just be flattered to be asked to join a band.
You're a band! Now what?:
Practice! Duh! The first few times will be an absolute mess, don't be discouraged. Practice as much as you can without getting sick of each other. If one person in the band has a different schedule than everyone else don't wait for the time to come when it will be easier for you all to play together, tape your practices so that person can "catch up".
You need a cool name. Something that will catch people's eyes on a flier and does not have numerical symbols. Any band with numbers in their name sucks, PERIOD!
Final words of wisdom:
-The singer in the band will always get the most attention. Be prepared because whether or not that is you it is annoying.
-Have fun
-kick junkies out of your band immediately
-write songs about food
-learn to love being heckled
-do metal covers (AC/DC never went out of style!)
*footnote: oh, please.
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