How Freak369 was born.
Apr 09 '00
Hi! My name is Alex and I am the mother of four. This is about the farthest I get when introducing myself. I get "the look". "The look" includes bulging eyes, dropped jaw, thrown back head and usually a nice wave good-bye. As you can gather I don't date much and when I do it's usually Family Night at Mc Donald's. I am not an overly obsessive mother who schedules playgroups and boils everything if it falls on the floor.
My boys - also called my brood - range in age from two (turning three April 11) thought seven. No one told me that having four kids would be so much fun. [ Oh I can hear the moans - four kids??? fun??? ]
How I became Freak369
Child One - Bought only the most expensive nappies (diapers), formula, clothing and bed linens. He was scheduled to read and write by the age of two. He was going to be Super Child. He received two baths a day and was never dirty. If he fell and got hurt he was smothered with hugs and kissed until anyone within a mile radius was completely nauseated. This was a piece of cake. I didn't understand what women were complaining about.
Child Two - Started looking at other brands of nappies. Considered using some of Simon's sleepers and jammies for Ian. Started making some of my own food from fresh apples and pears. The boys got one bath a day. Boo boo's were taken care of promptly and with hugs and kisses. My two princes were still going to be geniuses but it might take a year or two more. This was still easy.
Child Three - Nappies, formula and clothing were all bought in bulk. If I couldn't grow it in the garden or butcher it then it wasn't served. Simon and Ian's clothes were just fine for Roderick. All three boys got a bath once a day but I considered letting them run around in the yard and hosing them off more than once. Gone were clothes from Carters and Maxwell's. Going 36 hours without sleep was becoming a regular event. Too bad Epinions wasn't around. I made a whole new group of friends, the washer and dryer, the coffee maker and the vacuum cleaner. My manicures were long forgotten and a baseball hat replaced my monthly salon cuts.
Child Four - Sanity was exchanged for yet another bedroom suite. I am a professional diaper changer, butt wiper and boo boo fixer. If someone starts screaming about a scrape or cut it better be severe. The motto now is "If there is no bone showing then stop screaming". Is that harsh? No, not when you have the potential for four kids to be screaming at once about who a toy belongs to. Screams are reserved for compound fractures, someone knocking on the door with a million dollar check or an animal that ran behind the refrigerator. Meals are cooked in bulk and laundry is a family task. I drive a mini van, clip coupons and fondly reflect on my younger days of hell raising, staying out until dawn and going to concerts. My mother once cursed me and said "I hope you have five kids just like you". She was off by just one.
The birth of Freak369 was simple. While I was reading a story to some children at the park I came across an old Brothers Grimm story.
Three, six, nine the goose drank wine
The monkey chewed tobacco on a street car line...
A passerby commented "A freak who can't count". Hence the birth of Freak369. Sorry if that was anticlimactic.
My friends ask me how I cope with stress. What stress? My kids are my best friends. I don't look at raising them as a job but rather a joy. I still have time to go to the gym and lift weights, I still have time to work and yes, I still have time to write an Epinion here and there. I am a Playstation addict and can be found on Saturdays at the arcade pumping quarters into games with my two oldest boys.
I am the type of mom that rolls around on the floor and wrestles with the kids. There isn't a day that passes that there aren't at least 10 kids at my house. I'm a cool mom. I wear overalls and have streaks of purple in my hair. I have the same body I had when I was 21. I do tattoos, body piercing and design tattoo sleeves. I get my share of looks and comments - most of which are "When are you going to grow up?". I came from a family of 9 and being different was usually one of the only ways to get attention. I don't ever want my children to feel they have to compete for my attention, affection or recognition. I bought them into this world with my husband (R.I.P. no, he isn't dead, but it is on my wishlist). They are my responsibility and so far they haven't burned down any houses, killed any children / animals or destroyed anything valued over $30.00.
The Cruel World
My four are far from angels. There is bickering and arguing. At least once a day I am greeted with a "pout face" and left to be referee between two of the brood. My children know "the devil voice". It is low, authoritative and the final straw. This in conjunction with squinted eyes is more than enough to end 99% of all situations. There are no temper tantrums or outbursts. If we are going to a store to buy groceries that means don't ask for a toy. If we are going to a toy store that means don't ask for a candy bar or a soda. Planning is important. Follow through is critical. From a very young age I did not give in to begging and whining. Some people called me cruel when I denied my child a new toy and I was even called a bad mother. If I would have given in that time then there would have only been worse situations to come. I learned that the hard way with my little brothers getting everything they wanted by screaming and throwing tantrums. Sorry, that doesn't happen in my house.
Having four kids I constantly get questions from people on how I deal with it. Deal with what? The nightmares, boo boo's, questions and arguments over which channel to watch all give way to hearing my children tell me they love me. My oldest, which I will remind you is only seven, told me yesterday that he never wants me to grow up. He curled up on the couch with me and told me that his friend Michael has a mom and dad who live in a big house and have three cars and lots of money but they are never there. I could not imagine not having my kids with me for more than a few hours. They are my everything.
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