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You can make your marriage workSep 20 '00 (Updated Sep 22 '00) Write an essay on this topic.What makes a good marriage you wonder? You and your spouse is my answer. I am not an expert nor am I a professional on this subject. What I am is….. someone’s wife with 35 years experience. What is a Marriage? It is a Unity, a Bond of Love and a Commitment between yourself and your spouse. It is not an escape goat, you know thinking you will run off to get married because you want to get out of the house and your parents. This Unity is meant to be a Life Long Commitment in your life, to stay together through sickness and health, for better or worse.... Take your Vows Seriously. Easier said than done, but is not Impossible! Don't sweat the small stuff....It isn't always easy to live with someone, this is where you learn to adjust to each other's routines. My recipe for a happy marriage was thrown together through years of testing to see what made it best. We had our shares of miss-understandings and disagreements, which added and subtracted from this recipe. Now 35 years later we are still as in love with each other if not more than we were when we first fell in love...and still going strong. Lou is still my King, my Mentor, my Love, my Best Friend. We have learned to stick together in the hard times and share our happiness in the good times. How did we do this? With lots of Love and Understanding, Patience and working together! Forgiveness too. Love…Honor…and.. Cherish your spouse, as you would want your spouse to Love and Cherish you. In our hearts,our minds and our souls we have always felt that he is my KING and I his QUEEN together we would build our castle. Respecting each other, and working together, tearing down all obstacles that stood in our way. Now think about it, you fell in love enough to want to get married. Think about what made you fall in love with each other. Sure in time people change. As long as your spouse is not abusing you, then you have the making of a long lasting relationship and nothing or no one can come in between you. Learn to talk things out. Talk not Scream. Sometimes it is best to walk away from the problem for a short while, then get together to discuss it...after you have given it time and thought. Words can be as hurtful. The cute little things you did for each other should continue throughout your marriage…adding little surprises along the way. As the years pass us by, in our quiet times we would find old love letters we wrote to each other and share them as we snuggled on the sofa reminiscing along the way. You're never too old to show affection or to be in LOVE. Trust is as equal to the love you have for each other and is one of the most important ingredients to my recipe. Quality time spent together is another important ingredient. Just because you are married you do not have to spend every waking hour together. After all, you or your spouse do have to work to support each other, sometimes your schedules are conflicting which may cause tension. This is where you need to sit with your spouse and work out a solution. Instead of spending what little time you have to spend together arguing over the time you don’t have. Spend Quality time together. Work as a team! It’s wonderful and helpful to your relationship if you share the same interests and friends. Try to avoid activities that create problems that you can't resolve...this is where you should not be selfish and consider your spouse. An occasional night out alone, as long as it is not a habit but it is best to go out together, to enjoy yourselves. A night away from the children, you can enjoy your time and act like kids yourselves. The old saying goes never go to bed mad was one rule that was set between Lou and myself right from the beginning. In all our years he has never once slept on the sofa... by bedtime the issue was resolved. But then again we also learned to Compromise...there’s that word again, ...early in our marriage and it became a routine. Jealousies towards each other will never work in this recipe…it will spoil the pot. Adding excessive amounts of alcohol or even the slightest drug use in your relationship is a sure way to destroy your course and then eventually it will Burn. Being selfish is another...it takes two... Consider your spouse and Do NOT... I stress DO NOT try to CONTROL your mate. Abuse, I won’t go there, if there is any form of abuse….shut the oven off, and clean up your kitchen. That is not a marriage and you don't need to cook for him any longer...just sweep him out the door! Still cooking with me here…..Good. Hate to see or hear of anyone in an abusive relationship and would never recommend you to stay to make it work. Some marriages are faced with your spouse straying, if this may be your case.... Work on this together as Husband and Wife. If you can not resolve this together then maybe a third party may be able to help, but do this together! You can overcome this and forgive it in your hearts then forget it from your mind so you do not dwell on it and it could lead to making matters worse. Its not the end of the world if this does happen in your lives. When you truly Love someone, one mistake can spoil the pot...just don't add anymore! Now that is the first step, next is family. Family time builds unity in your relationship, it also creates a bond between you, your spouse and your children. As parents you may not always see eye to eye on your child rearing tactics. Work this out together...but Never never contradict each other in front of your children. If you disagree on something...take it to another room and discuss it. It is best not to stand and let an argument escalate if you do not agree. Common sense and good parenting skills should control those types of actions towards each other.. What would you be teaching your children? Spending time with other family members as well, compromise on spending equal time at holidays with both sides of the family. Overcome any dreaded feelings of having to go to the IN-LAWS, if this is a problem in your marriage. Stay away from meddlers, and turn the other cheek so to speak. Confide in each other and work on the family issues together as partners. Leave the meddling outsiders out, unless of course it is someone whom you both trust and respect and is there to help both of you, not just one side! Nothing in life is a guarantee. So take your commitment seriously, you will then have a better chance for a successful relationship. Keep in mind, no matter what, your spouse and your children are your first priority. Your Marriage is a Commitment not only to one another but also to your children. Okay now your relationship is simmering through the years, the more you stir it with Love and keep adding Trust, Omit any kind of Adultery, now Don't forget to throw in a few spices to rekindle your love for each other. "Remember those cute little things you did when you first got together". Now I am blushing.... Focus on the problems you may be having in your relationship to find the right ingredients to make it work. Take each day as it comes... COMPROMISE in your daily routines As a result it will yield years of happiness. Cherish your Love and Cherish your life together.  |
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