REAL MEN USE CLOTH
Aug 19 '00
THIS EPISTLE IS FOR MEN ONLY
Let me say at the outset that, being at the Ethiopean end of the economy, the cost issue of this debate was not relevant to “she of child-bearing age” and myself. We simply had no choice.
But what a bonus this turned out to be. I can’t recall how I got the job, but the best way for a man to forget his daily work stresses is, immediately on arrival at home, to sink his arms into a pile of soiled diapers.
I can guarantee, as if by a miracle, all those work thoughts and the stress associated with them immediately disappear as if by magic. Since stress is renowned for retarding an appetite, washing diapers is actually an eating aid. I found I could only eat a hearty meal after being up to my armpits in soiled diapers. Somehow the smell of your food is much more distinct and appetising - maybe it’s the marked contrast from the “processed” food from those babies, with all of its nutrition removed. Know that I come to think of it, the contrast wasn’t always that marked, but you know what I mean.
There is nothing quite so satisfying for a man than to look out the window at rows of clean diapers hanging in the breeze. It gives we men a real feeling of job satisfaction.
To say all that boring stuff like “I save money, I contribute less to landfills” and the like, which I personally believe is true and therefore very important, is nonetheless missing the point. Since I can’t see the environmental issue to be significantly altered by the addition of this one practice, I will stick to job satisfaction as the main motivator.
It is just possible that some men would find the thought of this task to be somewhat distasteful. I can assure you, it is only a thought. Sure, it’s a bit alarming when that first lump comes into your hand, but just squeeze and it’s gone? Simple as that. Pretty soon you are searching, with your fingers for other lumps and squeezing away, destroying one lump after another. It has a certain feeling about it that is hard to describe in words. If you feel the need, just remember it’s going to be a lot better for the smaller fish to eat. Unfortunately, this lovely soup is not suitable to pour out on the new flowers or garden, a practice which otherwise would heighten a man’s job satisfaction even more.
Why is that? I often wonder if that is some sort of conspiracy. After all, we go and buy the same stuff dried, spread it on the garden, then water it in! We call it fertiliser instead of my preferred soup. As soon as the water hits it, it is straight back to the soup I already had - and that was free! Work that one out!?
I must confess I used to get a plastic bucket, and sneak a bonus serve out to our garden, until “she who knows everything” caught me. You see, she doesn’t believe in my conspiracy theory, but of course can’t tell me why it is so wrong. But then that is a woman’s logic, which they usually try to explain as a woman’s prerogative. (A woman’s prerogative is the right to always be right without explanation, isn’t it guys?).
The bad news men is that it is no longer good enough to do a “John Wayne”. We have to help the ladies with the new bubba’s - it is no longer just “woman’s work”. Yes, get used to it, the fairer sex is no longer fair. Our great grandfathers knew they were conniving, but even this would have them turning in their graves. We can’t say we weren’t warned, so it’s all our own fault.
There is good news, however. Washing the diapers is fun, fun, fun - as I described earlier. Don’t, whatever you do, let a woman near this, or next we will be washing the car or worse, mowing the lawn!!
Men, I implore you, keep the secret and we are safe - trust me!
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Member: Peter Smith
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