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Oh Kids, he is not a "Step-Monster!"Nov 14 '00 Write an essay on this topic.Growing up in with a stepfather was a little hard on me. First, I was really close with my real father and second, I was 14 when my mother got remarried. Right there with those two combinations, there was constant fighting and my life was very miserable when I was a teenager. I now have four children; the two older ones are from a previous marriage. Although I married my new husband when my eldest two were only two and three, you can tell the relationships between step parents and their step children are much different than those with their own children. When I saw this subject, it really hit me hard. I just want to give a few pointers on what NOT to do in a step parent relationship: First, remember the children are the innocent victims. Do not take it out on them if you don't like their real father. Do not talk bad about their real father or make fun of them, it is confusing to a child and you are supposed to be the mature adult. Do not marry their mother if you do not want the responsibility of the children. They were there before you came along, and you knew what you were getting into! Do not put your child on a pedestal and expect your stepchildren to do every chore around the house. That was Cinderella and look where she ended up! I know you are trying to teach your stepchildren to have "responsibilities", but your child should learn them too, since you won't be around forever to protect them in the real world. Do not act like you are god to your stepchildren and put strict limitations on them. You chose to help raise your wife's children, not rule them. You are not in control of every one of their actions, so please don't play a warden. Remember with all children, you are chosen to help raise them, help them experience life, not chose it for them. You are supposed to walk side by side with them, not 5 feet in front. You are supposed to teach them, not criticize them for not being able to do it. If you have parents, remind them that all of these children are yours. Do not let your parents ever come over to the house with gifts for their "real" grandchildren and not their step. Do not let your parents at Christmas time get their "real" grandchild a $500.00 gift and give their step grandchildren a $20.00 bill. This only causes problems in the future for your "real" grandchild, because the step grandchildren will exclude your grandchild out of jealousy. Once again, think about it, these are innocent children. I am fortunate enough to have a husband that treats my kids with respect and gets involved in their activities. I am also very fortunate for my children to have a stepmother that also loves them and treats them with respect. But there are little tiny things that I notice, and it hits me hard. Please, step fathers and mothers; remember you are dealing with innocent children. It is so hard for me to see step families and the way the step children are treated the minute they have their own children. It actually makes me wonder if the step parents actually loved the spouse they married, because can you imagine the heartache and hurt that is going through the birth parents heart every time they choose their real children. Children are innocent, and they did not have a choice in this matter. You can work with them and become friends with them. It takes a mature adult and one that has a heart full of love, but most of marriages are built on love, so just spread it around. Hope this helps!  |
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