Gone, But Never Forgotten!
Dec 15 '00 (Updated Apr 24 '02)
The Bottom Line Make sure you communicate with others your feelings. Join a support group!
**Note - this review is a bit graphic in nature may not be suitable for reading by everyone.**
I remember that day all too well... It was a warm, autumn day 17 years ago and I finally had a day off work after working 8 days straight as an assistant manager at a fast food restaurant. Though I wasn't married at the time and still living with my mother, I was anxiously awaiting the birth of my first child, who was due right after Christmas that year. I had been feeling a bit tired for the past few days, which I attributed to the fact that I had been working 12 hour days and hadn't been able to sleep much at night. On this particular day, my boyfriend and I were going to go out and look at apartments to rent. We were very anxious to find something convenient to where we both worked, and close to our families and had several places already in mind.
When I awoke that morning, I felt a very strange tightness in my stomach, a pain that pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks. The pain radiated all throughout my pelvic region. With each step I took, the pain only intensified. I felt as if the entire contents of my stomach were about to spill out. After a discussion with my mother it was decided that it was time for me to go to the hospital.
Within 15 minutes or so, I was in the labor and delivery ward of a hospital near my house. My blood pressure was dropping & I felt horrible! A monitor was placed around my stomach to monitor the contractions & to detect the baby's heartbeat, which sounded very clear and very strong. I was surrounded by Doctor's and Nurses all trying to figure out exactly what was going on with me, and within several minutes it was determined that I was in full blown labor. Both the baby and myself were in great danger, as my blood pressure continued to fall and the baby's heartbeat became erratic. I was told that there was only a very slight chance that the baby would survive, as I was only 23 weeks pregnant, and at that time baby's that small usually do not make it. I couldn't believe it, and became quite hysterical. Within several minutes of receiving the Pitocin, the baby's heart rate began to drop and the monitor was removed from my stomach. "No!" I screamed, "you have to do something to save him! Please don't let my baby die". Less than 30 minutes later I delivered my first born son, who was still born. From that day forward, my life was changed forever.
There was really nothing that could have been done, I learned later, as the baby had suffered from complete Placental Abruption. The placenta grows within the uterus during pregnancy and links the blood supplies of the mother and baby. It delivers oxygen and nutrients to the baby and carries away the baby's waste products via the umbilical cord. In normal circumstances, the placenta remains attached to the wall of the uterus until 20 to 30 minutes after birth, when a surge of hormones triggers its separation and it is expelled from the body.
Placental abruption occurs when, for some unknown reason, the placenta separates from the uterine wall before the child is delivered. Abruption, which occurs very suddenly, can lead to massive bleeding, severe pain and rapid contractions. In most cases, doctors induce labor immediately or deliver the child by Caesarean section, to prevent oxygen deprivation to the baby.
I don't remember much during the course of the next few days, just the pain & sadness that overtook my body. I didn't want to eat, or sleep and wouldn't let any visitors into my room. It seemed so unfair, that this child whom I was so excited about, was ripped away from me, before he even had a chance to live. I would never see him take his first steps, or say his first words. My hopes, my dreams, my life, was changed forever.
Two days after being released from the hospital, I was readmitted with severe stomach pain & vomiting. Apparently, I was hemorrhaging internally, and came very close to losing my life. After undergoing a D&C, receiving 3 blood transfusions and staying in the hospital a few more days, I was sent home once again.
I don't think I have ever recovered completely from the pain of losing my first born son, though it has subsided substantially over the course of the past 17 years. Since that day, I have gotten married (not to the father of my stillborn son, as that relationship faltered soon after the loss of our child) given birth to 2 healthy children, and have led a very happy & productive life. Though my first born son is not with me now, part of him will always remain with me, as he will always hold a very cherished space deep inside my heart & mind.
If your or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, there are many,many support groups available today. These support groups are a wonderful way to help get through the normal grieving process that occurs with the miscarriage or stillbirth. Though it was very hard for me to share my story at first, I found that by sharing my story, my grieving process seemed to not be quite as painful. It was both painful & wonderful at the same time meeting people who had went through the same pain that I was going through. I highly suggest talking with other parents who have experienced a similar loss. Sharing with these parents, can ease the loneliness, isolation and pain associated with grief. Those who have already "been there" can understand and accept your grief. These parents can help you to understand that the most painful aspects of grief will soften over time and that you are not alone in your grief.
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Epinions.com ID:
mar6732
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 - Top 1000 |
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Location: Frederick, MD
Reviews written: 248
Trusted by: 323 members
About Me:
Secretary by day, mother & wife by night.
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