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"Want my new binky, Mommy!!!"Oct 09 '00 Write an essay on this topic.My son turned two this past July. He has always been a "binky" kid, since birth. What happens now, when we decide that it's time to take his binky away? Lord help me, it's been a battle of wills and he's almost won a few times. People who have kids that never took a pacifier or weren't given one don't understand this dilemma. I admit, I didn't truly understand it fully before either. My daughter wouldn't take a pacifier; she spit it out at three months and refused to have it anymore. I would see kids in the store and be disgusted that they had a pacifier in their mouth when they looked like they were close to 4 years old. I've been there, trust me! Until you've been there, you can't possibly fully understand. Where, you ask? Holding your baby (OK, toddler, but he's still my baby) while he cries and cries, wailing and all he wants is his "binky" for comfort. It's hard to look at those tears rolling down his face and listen to him cry and not give in. Anyway, on to the advice... My ex-husband & I share custody of our son, so this had to be a joint effort. It wouldn't work if he was getting the binky at one house and not at the other. That would cause all kinds of confusion and problems. Likewise, if your family is intact, it still has to be joint cooperation from mom & dad. If Mom is home with Junior all day & doesn't give in, but Dad gives Junior his binky so he can watch the news in peace, it won't work. You have to decide on a time when you think your child is ready to give up his binky (or blankie or other security item) and stick to it. I'm glad that my ex decided to do this, actually, because I probably never would've done it. I hate to deny him something that seems so simple. It really is for the best, though. I mean, it can cause teeth to come in badly. And I don't want my boy to be starting school with his binky firmly gripped between his teeth. Once you decide on a time frame, there are different ways to get rid of the item. You can talk to your child about it, tell them that it has to go bye-bye; that it's needed to help new babies; that they're a big kid now... There are a zillion different things you can say, also an equal number of things you can do. For us, the first thing we did was to gradually reduce his time with his binky. I think this helps a lot, it makes it a little less traumatic. Our son was only allowed his binky at nap-time and bed-time. When he got up, he hung it (it was attached to a clip on a string) over the side of his crib. Then, when he decided it was time, my ex cut the end off the binky. This was a very big adjustment for the first several days. (It's been about three weeks now and it's still difficult.) My son would cry at bed-time, wanting his "new binky" (as opposed to the "broke" binky with the end cut off). We've always rocked our son at bed-time. It's a nice way to help him relax before he lays down. Previously, he would rock for a few minutes, then be ready to lay down. Now, in the "post binky" days, it takes quite a bit longer. I don't really mind, I love rocking my son, but sometimes I'm falling asleep and he's still wide awake! Actually, over the past few weeks, it's improved. At first, I had to rock him anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes before he would lay down without crying. Now I can usually rock for 15 minutes or so and he's good to go. (Note: I do allow my son to cry sometimes. When he's "throwing a fit" or it's just a battle of wills, I'll let him cry for a few minutes and leave the room. Then I come back to get him & we sit in the rocker and I talk to him. At two, he's too young to truly be able to reason things out, but I help him to understand that his behavior dictates what will happen. If he wants to rock, that's fine, we'll rock, but getting his binky isn't an option anymore. He doesn't do this often and he always settles down after a few minutes.) Giving up security items is not easy. Kids become attached to them for reasons all their own. Be thoughtful and careful when you decide to take them away. Some children have no problem with just throwing their binky in the trash, others take a lot more adjustment. You know your child, figure out the way that will work best for your family. Just remember, everyone (adult-wise) has to agree to do it or it won't work. And stick with it once you've made your decision. If you don't, you will later regret it, because your child will become even more stubborn about giving it up once they see that you'll give in.  |
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