After 20 years...
Jul 17 '00
No matter how old or young you are. You are never quite ready for the agony of divorce. After 20 years of Marriage I found myself looking at Divorce completely surprised.
My daughter was 17 years old and about to graduate from High School. I remember it so clearly. Since it was Memorial Day weekend, I had taken my daughter on a trip to New York for a few days after her prom, for some fun, some work and some shopping. We came home, and our flight had been delayed a few hours. My husband met us at the airport, took us home, when my daughter went to our bedroom to go hide a present for him in his upright bureau. All of the sudden I remember looking around the house, which had been trashed, and my daughter screaming where's the TV set, where's dad's bureau??? I said to my husband, were we robbed? He couldn't even look me in the eye when he said I filed for divorce you should get the papers this week, and he walked out the front door.
I don't think I knew how to react. My daughter must have heard or figured it out since I was sitting still in shock. I remember jolting up to her screaming at him out the door "Take these, I hate you!!" the next morning I found out that "these" had been her diamond earrings he had given to her for a present the week before prom. After finding the earrings on the ground, I realized what had truly happened. Until that point I had thought it was all a nightmare. My husband had left me with no explanation at all. My daughter had to go to school the next morning since it was a school day. I had called up to the guidance office to let them know what happened. I knew she was in shock, I did not expect what would happen next. My daughter was a straight A/B+ student, she walked into her first class, turned around started to cry, and ran up to her favorite teachers office, peer counseling, where she had worked as a peer counselor for 4 years, and poured out her heart. Her teacher gave me a call, because she was worried about me as well. I mean who expects to be left unexpectedly, after a year much less 20 years, and if you count how long we dated, that had made it 24 years. My daughter couldn't face school at all. She felt like everyone knew, and here it was everyone thought she was the only one with this perfect little family…and now the home was broken. What I didn't expect was my husband to leave us with nothing, and abandon his child all at the same time.
Let me explain a little background here. My husband is a CPA, with his own firm, which I helped him build for 20 years. He is very well known and respected here in South Florida. We were by no means poor. We weren't the wealthiest people we knew, but we were very well off, a nice house in an upper middle class neighborhood. Both my husband and myself had degrees from the University of Miami, and our daughter had planned on attending the same school that summer. My daughter babysat, never having to hold a regular part time job, because we wanted her to be active in school, and have fun. For the most part of her life she went to private school, but when given the choice between private and public high school she chose public, stating she rather have a new car when she went off to college. I never imagined not being able to send her to any college of her choice, much less what happened next.
The day my daughter came home from school, she called her "daddy's" office. She asked him why he was doing this to her, because it felt like she must have been the cause of it. I do not know if he was not using his brain and didn't think clearly, but he said to her, the marriage has been going bad for 18 years honey…that's when she said "but I'm only 17". I never in my life saw my daughter so upset, and so depressed. She was so hurt by his words. I never thought this would happen to my baby, and I didn't know how to protect her, and make her understand this wasn't her fault. I wanted to make her happy somehow…so I said lets go to the mall, thinking this would cheer her up, getting some gifts for her for graduation. We went over to the bank to cash a check, and found out at that moment my husband took everything out of our account. Leaving me speechless, and preparing for the worst 5 years of my life!
The divorce turned out to take 5 years; it was very messy, and very costly. I was so very hurt by what I found out in the end. I am very glad my daughter did not have to see much of it. It was then I had found out my husband only married me for my family's money, and was having affairs for the past 18 years. I also had found out about many other things I had not wanted to know, and did not want to let my daughter know about, yet she found out anyway.
Due to my daughter's age, she didn't have to testify, nor was there a custody battle. I had figured my husband would try to put her into the middle if she had stayed down here for college, and attended the University of Miami, where he was closely involved with the alumni group. So I decided she would be better off going out of state, she and I chose University of Alabama, after going to orientations all over the south east states. Thankfully it was the perfect place, she blended in well there, and loved every day of living in Tuscaloosa after the first year "homesickness" wore off.
Divorce isn't easy on anyone. Whether you have been married 1 month or 20+ years. Divorce is hard on everyone involved, especially the children. It is financially and mentally exhausting. I hope no one has to go through what I have gone through. But if you do, remember to never let your children see it. To this day, my daughter who is about to be 28, has barely spoken to her father in 10 years, and is still very hurt by it. She calls him by his first name now, and refers to him as the "Sperm donor". She refuses to see him and only talks to him when pressured by me. She also tells me she will never marry. When I ask her why, she said because she never wants to get divorced.
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Epinions.com ID:
PenPal4evr
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Member: Ronnie
Location: Hollywood and Coconut Creek,FL
Reviews written: 2
Trusted by: 3 members
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