To Divorce or Not to Divorce
Apr 18 '00
I am 30 years old and am happily married and my parents are still "technically" married but I can tell you that as a child that grew up in a home where parents were unhappy Divorce could've been the answer.
I will not begin to judge why my parents stayed together--I know for my dad it wasn't an issue he wasn't involved in "family" life, he is an alcoholic and a womanizer who felt he could handle they way things were going. For my mom she felt she was doing us girls(I have two sisters) a favor by staying married because it gave her the ability to stay home and be a full-time mom. She was a wonderful mom and I wouldn't change things because she made the best of a not-so-good situation. She was there every step of the way and made sure that we had what we needed physically and emotionally but as an adult I can say that mabey that wasn't the best answer. All her efforts were 100 percent but having miserable parents led to a miserable outlook on marriage.
When I first lived with my husband life was hell for both of us--it is bad enough that we were young and that when starting a relationship that involves living under the same roof things can be strained but adding in my experience with marriage things didn't start out too well. I thought all men were bad and deserved to be treated as such. I didn't know that my husband wouldn't treat me as my father had treated my mother so I started out on the defense every step of the way. It took some growing up and a year long separation from my husband for me to realize that mabey my upbringing had some serious effects on how I looked at marriage.
When my marriage was strained it took two to make it that way but by then we had a daughter--it was a very difficult time for me because I was completely needy and couldn't begin to think of how to live my life without someone to control. I knew that not living together was a start to either fixing or ending our relationship even though I desperately wanted to stay together. I believe that being raised in an environment where my mother chose to stay in a bad situation for her made me think that I was supposed to stay and just be miserable in marriage because,at the time, that is how I believed things were supposed to be. Now that I have grown some(and I am sure I have more growing to do) I know that staying together "for the children" is the worst possible reason in the world!!!! When my marriage was still in "limbo" and my husband was discussing moving away and us not going with him his biggest fear was not seeing our daughter on a daily basis and I told him that if he wanted the best thing for her then he needed to be happy with his life and if that meant moving away without us in tow then that was the answer because I truly believe that a child is much better off seeing a happy parent part of the time then a miserable parent all of the time!!!!
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Epinions.com ID:
bambi3069
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Member: Dawn Harris
Location: Lewiston, MI
Reviews written: 38
Trusted by: 9 members
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