Mom vs. Mom -When Grown-ups Don't Play Nice
Aug 31 '00
"My daughter stood at six months, walked at seven months and could recite Shakespeare's Hamlet in its entirety by one year! What has yours done?"
We have all been there -the terrible comparison trap! Come on, you know you've done it so 'fess up! And even if we haven't inadvertently participated (yeah, right) then we have certainly all been victimized by it.
I am the very first to admit that my daughter is not a child prodigy. She didn't walk until she was a year old. At fourteen months she still doesn't say anything clearly distinguishable. And she still hasn't grasped the whole "spoon" concept. But contrary to popular opinion, this will have no effect on her future as a star athlete, a scientist, a novelist or even a mother. The one thing that will have an effect on her future is her happiness -and a big smile is the one art she has perfected.
So what brought on this review? Glad you asked! I am a first time mom and as a beginner I have been a little self-conscious in starting out. So because my daughter is the center of my world and I want the very best for her, I went about trying to find out what that mysterious "best" was. My first attempt was to join a parenting class when my daughter was only a few months old. On the first day of class, we sat in our cozy little circle and took turns introducing ourselves.
"Hi, I'm Susie Q, and this is my beautiful son Ward. He is four months old, can hold his own bottle, has learned to sit up and can recite the alphabet in five languages."
Okay so maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but basically the first mom gave a list of baby's milestones and turned to the next victim (oops, I mean mom) and said, "Can your child sit up yet? No, well surely he can hold his own bottle? Really, Ward has for weeks now!"
As weeks went on and the babies got older, the worse it became. When my daughter didn't measure up to these "high standards" I felt terrible. Being the paranoid, irrational mother that I was, I ran to my doctor and pleaded for insight. "But why doesn't she sleep through the night? The other babies do. Why can't she hold a bottle? They do. Why hasn't she sat on her own or crawled yet or stood up?"
My doctor having obviously dealt with many crazed parents in her time, patiently explained to me that all babies develop at their own rate and I have nothing to worry about. Something I certainly already knew, so why did I doubt myself in the first place? I dropped that parenting class not long after that, but the experience made me realize how frequently mothers do this.
My daughter is the second grandchild -the first is four months older. When my nephew learned to walk, my in-laws began asking me everyday thereafter if my daughter walks yet. The frustration grew to the point that one day they asked and I shouted "yes" picked my daughter off the floor and stormed out. The reaction wasn't one of anger so much as an attempt to make them stop pressuring me to force her to walk. (It worked by the way -in case you need to use it.) Even the other day at the store, a woman with a little boy walks up to me. She says hello, asks how old my daughter is and then asks how many words she speaks. When I laugh and say none, she proceeds to recite little Timmy's vocabulary and wonders aloud if my daughter has a learning disability! Come on -at fourteen months!
So what's my point? Simple -relax, enjoy being a mother and don't let the small stuff get to you no matter how big it seems. If your child walked at ten months, rest assured the Jones child walked at nine. Be proud of your child as he/she reached all those milestones, but forget the comparison battle -in the end everyone loses. You can't and shouldn't pressure a baby into developing faster than they are ready. They'll get there, and in the mean time, enjoy each day as it comes and all the new joys it can bring. Don't worry about keeping up with the Jones. Whenever they ask now, I simply smile and say, "Does it really matter? Look how happy she is!"
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Epinions.com ID:
rmgood
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Member: Raquel
Location: Minnesota
Reviews written: 89
Trusted by: 85 members
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