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It should not start at homeDec 21 '00 Write an essay on this topic.Violence should not be something children learn in the home. There is enough violence on television, in books, video games, movies and even cartoons. Children should not be exposed to parents fighting or arguing in a manner that makes them think its never going to stop. The most powerful commercial I have seen was a commercial about domestic abuse. There is an adorable small boy who looks to be around four years old sitting on the stairs in his pajamas. He is listening to his mother and father argue very loudly. The inference made by this commercial is that this may be a regular occurance for this child. You hear the 'father' yelling and berating the 'mother' and the 'mother' pleading and crying for the 'father' to calm down and try not to wake the baby. All of a sudden you hear a loud smack and simultaneously the child jumps a looks around wide eyed in fear. Helpless. Again I state children should not be exposed to this type of violence. You understand early in the commercial during the yelling portion that the child is upset and afraid, so much so that he can't sleep. The results of children seeing this behavior at home is that they then perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Most of the time the abusive party is the male. Why do men become abusive to their spouse/children? The number one reason is early childhood exposure. Exposure to abuse during childhood sets the stage later in life for them to be abusive, mainly because they have not been shown the proper methods of problem solving. These little boys do not have the coping skills to adequately deal with life and all its pitfalls. There is probably a pattern that develops early, children who are bully's just may come from an abusive household. I'm not aware of any study on this but if any of you know, please inform me. However, this is something I firmly believe. Children learn by example. Little girls who stay in abusive relationships and allow themselves to be abused learned this behavior from their mothers. They learned that it is okay for a man to hit them, call them names and they learn early on that they need to be afraid. Thus, their self esteem is shattered early. What they learned from their fathers is far worse. They learn that they are not worth anything and that to be loved by someone is to be hurt physically, verbally and emotionally. I came from a household in which my parents never argued or fought in front of their kids. They have never raised their voices and I couldn't even see where they would even think of hitting one another. What I and my siblings saw was humility on the part of both of my parents. Willingness to compromise and listen to each other. I remember a time after high school graduation, I was invited to go on a long trip with a friend of mine and her family. My mom didn't want me to go and my dad didn't mind. I ended up going because they discussed the matter and came to an agreement. Neither one of them went on the accusation tirade complaining about one dictating to the other. They were open to the suggestions and reasoning of the the other and came to a mutual agreement. My parents saved me and my siblings from a lifetime of abuse. I could not imagine living through what some children have to live through. I remember my sister, when she worked in the social service field, telling me of a couple of children who were a witness to their abusive father's tirades against their mother and eventually their stepmother. They stated to her, their father was always like that. He would do something to get his wife upset and then get angry at them because she would then try to express her feelings. They told her he was even like that with them and that they learned to just be quiet when he was on his tirades because then they would be shorter by a few minutes. They told her they knew their dad's second marriage wouldn't last either because of his behavior. They even commented how sad it was that their father could not see that he was truly at fault. When my sister told me of this situation, she and I both almost cried. We had the same thought, 'How sad that these children love their father, yet cannot respect him they way they should because of his behavior.' I can only hope when I have children, I can be as fine an example as my parents were. As I write this article, I think back on the story of these 2little girls and think of all the other children who are subjected to this daily. I can only pray that their misery ends and pray that parents who are abusive to one another stop and get the help they need.  |
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