Don't Lie to Kids!
Mar 08 '00
Tell kids the truth about death. But with two qualifiers:
Everyone has different beliefs -- so what one person tells a child about death may be different from what another person tells a child about death, but my point is that you should be as honest as you can with children when discussing death. Honest, meaning, true to YOUR beliefs.
I cringe when I hear a parent say, "Oh, he's not dead; he's just sleeping." Um... no, he is dead. If you don't want to discuss death, then don't; but DON'T lie to the child.
Don't go over their heads -- being honest doesn't mean trying out explanations you KNOW they won't understand. You don't tell a three-year-old that "our bodies have a biological life span not to exceed 110 years of age and even though the soul may go on to other spheres of existence, the flesh will remain here, never to rise again... blah blah blah".
Be straight-forward, taking the child's age and intellectual level into account when trying to explain to him your opinion on death.
Be prepared for the child's perspective -- my first encounter with death from a child's perspective came when my children noticed a dead white cat on the road. "What's wrong with it?" my youngest asked. "It's dead," I said. "Someone ran over it." "Well, why don't we just water it?" she asked me. Okay, this made me realize I'd been telling her my plants were dead, then when she'd see me water them and they miraculously revived... well, you get the picture. "No," I said. And went on to explain what death is, reminding myself not to use the term loosely regarding my lack of a green-thumb in the future.
And now a final note about morbidity: Driving to school one day, I mentioned aloud, "Oh someone ran over a dog." Both children stretched in their carseats, trying desperately to see the dead animal. What does this tell me? Humans (particularly before any social conditioning) have an innate desire to know about things, all things. A natural curiosity, whether you want to think of it as morbid or not is your choice.
At least my kids know this dog isn't just sleeping.
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Lighthouse
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Location: Oakland, CA
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Jewelry designer, author, researcher, multi-media artist, photographer, journalist, musician
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