Tales of A Pregnant Father
Dec 07 '00
You may openly laugh at my topic title but I sincerely believe that the emotions and feelings of the father are often overlooked during their wive's pregnancy. In many ways, I believe that fathers are also "pregnant" and go through significant changes.
I wanted to share my feelings on this topic because I feel that many fathers are unable to truly express their emotions. I hope that my cander will help some men deal with this special event.
The Stereotype
Men have long been stereotyped as the protector and provider of their family. We have been taught to suppress our feelings for fear of being left vulnerable.
This stereotype became vividly clear while my wife was pregnant. I suddenly realized that I would now be shouldering an enormous responsibility with the birth of our child. Rather than express my fears and worries about this, I suppressed my feelings and developed anxiety during the entire pregnancy. Would I be able to support my family? How much does it really cost to raise a child? I mistakenly felt that it was my role to be "strong" for my wife during the pregnancy.
Every time that I got a little bit scared, I would hide my feelings by taking care of my wife as a means of regaining control. I now realize that this was a mistake.
Joy Mixed With Fear
My initial reaction to finding out my wife was pregnant was one of joy and pride. After all, I had helped create the beginnings of a new life. At first the realization is so incredible that I found myself in denial. How could I, of all people, be a part of something so special? It must be a mistake, I kept telling myself. It felt too incredible to be real.
Soon the reality set in and I began to fear the imminent arrival of our child. I read all of the books and listened to all the advice, but somehow I still felt grossly unprepared for fatherhood.
Hearing The Heartbeat For the First Time
From day one, I tried to be as involved in the pregnancy as possible. I will never forget the doctor visit in which we were about to actually hear the babies heartbeat. As the doctor placed the scope over her belly, I almost cried when I heard the rapid hearbeat. My wife and I just looked at each other and smiled.
The First Kick
All mother's remember that first kick, but I believe that most fathers also remember that first kick. As I placed my hand on her belly and felt her stomach move, my heart leaped with joy. Wow, I thought, is this really happening to me? Am I really going to be a father?
This tender moment is a time that my wife and I will cherish always.
The Ultrasound
My wife and I decided that we wanted to know the sex of our child. Unfortunately, the little bugger had its legs crossed during the ultrasound which prevented us from knowing the sex until birth. Looking back, I have to say that not knowing made the delivery that much more exciting and rewarding.
Actually seeing the baby on a monitor was surreal. Up until this moment, the idea of a baby was still etched only in my imagination. I now had a picture to fill in my imagination.
I'll admit that the fear of being a good father began to creep back into my mind after viewing the ultrasound. The concrete image brought the reality of birth to the forefront of my mind. It was coming out, whether I was prepared or not.
Feeling unprepared, I quickly read anything and everything on child birth, fatherhood, and everything in between. I felt as if I was in a race against time.
The Birth
We took all of the Lamaze classes, but I still felt ill-prepared to deal with the actual birth. Would the child be healthy? What if it was missing a hand? Thousands of questions raced through my head.
The night of delivery my wife complained that she didn't feel right. I asked her if she felt any contractions. She said "not really." I decided we should wait until the contractions became regular. Little did I know that my wife was already in labor! She just didn't know what a contraction was supposed to feel like. We finally went to the hospital and low and behold she was already 8 centimeters dilated.
Holy Smokes! The baby was delivered within 2 hours. Few words can express the relief and joy I felt. I held our beautiful daughter, Phoebe, for a few hours while my wife slept. This was by far the best day of my life.
Some Final Thoughts
If you are an expecting father, I encourage you to speak openly and honestly with your wife. Tell her what you are afraid of and what is on your mind. She will be relieved that she is not the only one that has these feelings.
Be prepared to get suddenly overcome with anxiety at any time during the pregnancy. The realization that you are going to be a father is powerful and will at times overcome you. Do not suppress these feeling. It is important to share them with your wife.
The birth of a child is the most precious thing in the world. Take time to enjoy the miracle.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
flashfriday
|
 - Top 1000 |
|
Location: Corona, CA
Reviews written: 94
Trusted by: 125 members
About Me:
Becoming a father has enriched my life to no end.
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.