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Member Advice Summary
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I will NEVER get over "it"
by hhassell99 | Oct 07 '00
"It has been two years." "These things happen, we deal with them and move on." "At least you are young and can have more kids." "Oh, a baby. A good thing you didn't get to attached."
These statements...Return to opinion
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I very much agree (Reply to this comment)
by burgandyvelvet
I have a phrase which I discovered I despise. "I'm sorry." It's so completely inadequate, especially when it's coming from someone who has no idea what it's like to lose a child.
In a way, you're so much luckier. You can blame your child's death on a bed. All I have to blame is an abstract malignant "syndrome". However, to lose a child after they are crawling, smiling, and learning to talk must have been far more painful than I hope to ever know.
How strange that you lost your dreamed of girl, and I lost my desperately desired boy, both second children. And now, we have both been blessed again. All those fears, all those memories pop up to haunt. I had wished at first to move away, but then all my most precious memories would be gone. Like you, we got rid of the bed, even though it was one of my son's favorite places, and the only place he would ever sleep unless he was in my arms or in his swing.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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Apr 13 '01
2:32 pm PDT
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:) (Reply to this comment)
by IrishMa4
Unfortunately I do understand. I understand every word you wrote here. I understand every feeling, angry and sad.
There's so much I want to say but the words aren't coming.
Perhaps our angels will 'meet' as we have here, today.
If you ever want to vent to someone who understands, please feel free to e-mail me at anytime IrishMa4@yahoo.com. I'll always make myself available.
*~Bobbie
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Apr 04 '01
2:01 pm PDT
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I am so sorry (Reply to this comment)
by FlowrChild
I know nothing I can say will help to alleviate your pain, but just know that I was deeply touched by your story, and I will keep you and Gabriella in my prayers.
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me anytime.
Lexi
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Jan 05 '01
3:34 pm PST
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I'm so sorry for your loss.. (Reply to this comment)
by MoiMonet
Noone should ever have to experience what you've experienced. I'm so sorry. ~hugs~
--Nadia
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Nov 20 '00
2:04 am PST
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Your baby (Reply to this comment)
by AmberM
Your precious child, the spirit/soul that you know as Gabriella came to experience such a short tragic life and chose you to be a big part of her life. Many times souls will enter into life too soon, and not prepared enough. So what will happen is they will pass on, whether it be from SIDS or Trauma, because they need to prepare more for their life...and once the soul is ready it will come back. Gabriella's soul left you for a short period, but "she" is returning very shortly, as a boy, yes, but it is the same spirit. Why am I telling you this? Because it is the God's truth and I received it for you to hear. My email is Ownlyanangel@aol.com if you have further comments or questions. May the Goddess (God/Spirit/Whatever) Bless You
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Nov 16 '00
10:32 pm PST
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I'm so sorry for your loss ~ (Reply to this comment)
by JDinPA
losing such a beautiful thing as a precious little girl ~ and finding her and not being able to hold her safe ~ my thought are with you. Judy
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Nov 14 '00
1:41 pm PST
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Of course you'll never... (Reply to this comment)
by amysmum
...forget your daughter. She was part of your
life and always will be - she lives on in your memory. Thanks for sharing.
Catriona
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Nov 11 '00
12:57 pm PST
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I am so... (Reply to this comment)
by Jomaga3572
sorry for your loss. Your experience brought tears to my eyes. I am at a loss for words.
God Bless you!
Jomaga
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Nov 11 '00
12:51 pm PST
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Re: (Reply to this comment)
by karmiausnic
As I read your story, I felt great compassion for you. A baby passing away, no matter the age, is a horrible thing that no one could understand unless they themselves had experienced it. And even then, not every grieves in the same manner. Words cannot express your pain, yet you did a wonderful job in your editorial. May you get stronger with time. Best wishes to you and your family.
Karen
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Nov 11 '00
8:04 am PST
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Thanks for sharing. (Reply to this comment)
by jgibson2
No, you will never "get over it". It has been more than 20 years since my first miscarriage. The pain has decreased. It is manageable, but there will always be an empty spot at my table, as there will be at yours.
The greatest risk now is to your marriage. Far too often couples separate after such a tragic loss. Hang on to each other.
Judy
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Oct 23 '00
11:03 pm PDT
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So sorry... (Reply to this comment)
by kelly60
...about your loss. You are right, that more children will never replace your baby. I have had two more children since my two angels were killed in our housefire, but they will never replace the others. I live with the pain every day, as I'm sure you do.
Just know that it had nothing to do with how much or how little you prayed for your child. Accidents happen, and whoever told you that her death was your fault needs to pray for their own soul.
Thanks for sharing, I know it had to be hard for you. Feel free to email me if you need a listening ear.
Hugs,
Kelly
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Oct 07 '00
4:40 pm PDT
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I am so (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
sorry for your horrible loss. Nothing anyone
can say can make you feel any better, and
anyone who suggests you have something wrong
because you are griefing for that loss is
lacking something themselves. Compassion.
My thoughts are with you. If you ever need
to talk, I'm here. I mean it. Suzi
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Oct 07 '00
4:38 pm PDT
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You.... (Reply to this comment)
by roadiem
take all the time you need to rectify this. I know you said no advice like the opening, and this isn't. No one can tell you anything like I know how you feel or anything like that because even if the same thing happened to them they don't know how you feel. It will get more bearable as time goes by, but don't be in a rush to "get back to normal" as they say. As for that brainless person who said the prayer thing, all you can do is feel sorry for someone who is so mis-informed that they would have the utter the low I.Q. things she did. She must have been completely lied to by whom ever taught her this nonsense. Just take care of yourself and your family and you'll be doing alright !
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Oct 07 '00
4:31 pm PDT
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My heart goes out to you... (Reply to this comment)
by WorkingMomof2
I'm not going to offer any advice, just tell you that I am so sorry for your pain. A huge hug to you. There are several others here who have lost very young children, email me if you're interested in hooking up with them. Hugs to you,
Amy
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Oct 07 '00
4:28 pm PDT
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You're right not to say "it" (Reply to this comment)
by dreamcatcher39
Your daughter was a major part of your life, and a beautiful one. I hope that in the future, you do have other children, but I know from experience that you will always remember Gabrielle. Eventually, the memories become thoughts of what she would be like, but she will always be with you.
You didn't loose your daughter because you didn't pray enough, you lost her due to a tragic accident. My prayers and best wishes go out to you.
Pat
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Oct 07 '00
4:26 pm PDT
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Beautiful.. (Reply to this comment)
by Teach2755
I'm sure it was very painful for you to share this story.. but I very much appreciate it. You've touched one heart today.
-Lisa
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Oct 07 '00
4:24 pm PDT
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