Showing affection is easy for me to do but hard to see...
Aug 10 '00
I have come to face the fact that I need help. After writing my last review on sexual abuse, so many people emailed and commented saying I needed counseling. So I have started going I can say I have been one time and I know this is what I needed. I will be better. With god and my social worker on my side. One day I can watch a man hug a child and not want to kill him.
Just the other day I said I would watch a little girl. Her father was going to the field(army)for a week. That morning he came to my house and dropped his 3 year old little girl off. But before he left he said "oh I am going to tell her bye one more time". In doing so he bent down to the bed a was giving her a hug I could hear him saying ,GIVE DADDY A KISS GOODBYE. This one statement sent chills down my back. For a minute I went blank could not think of anything else but get this man out of my house. (was that me laying there in a bed twelve years ago?)
I called my sister at once and was telling her what I had seen. She tried to know avail to convince me he was just loving his child and "SHOWING AFFECTION". Now as I look back on it- ok maybe he was This is something so hard for me to see. I want to I would love to see a daughter and her father loving an kissing each other but the evil I have went through wont let me see that clear. Now I can say my daughter dont lack for attention from me. I love my daughter and I show her a lot of attention I am always giving her a hug and telling her I love her. Her father shows her alot less affection.
I dont know if it is because of me or because he dont know how.
So many times I tell him he needs to spend quality time with her, but he just blows it off. Maybe he thinks I will think bad of him. But to tell you the truth, I dont know if I could keep from thinking the worse. Kensley is not as close to him as she is to me, how can you blame her I am her life. All she knows is momma,I am with her 24 hours a day everyday. There are times I want to go by myself. I think in my mind I am afraid to leave her alone. If I am with her at all times nothing bad will happen.
I hope with time as I get better with dealing with my past my husband will also get better at showing affection. Kensley is a happy baby and loves to be held close. I just hope and pray me being this way is not hurting her worse.
So once again I will admit I NEED HELP!!!!!Tera(kensley's mom)
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Epinions.com ID:
kensley
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Member: TERA OTT
Location: Fort Carson Co
Reviews written: 82
Trusted by: 15 members
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