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Member Advice Summary
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When a Mom isn't a Mom.......WATCH OUT!
by BryRrose | Oct 18 '00
What kind of mother would do this to another child's parents? What kind of mother is she? What was she thinking?
First, I have to say that I told myself that I wasn't going to write another editorial until I wrote on a product or...Return to opinion
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A teenagers view (Reply to this comment)
by danifilth
You may or may not know that I come from Scotland. Here you can have sex at 16, drive at 17 and drink at 18 alone, or 16 with a "responsible adult".
Now if the mother had just given them a beer or two, as it was a party and they were 15, I wouldn't have been surprised or shocked. I would have found your reaction silly. This is not irrisponsible.
I in fact feel this is a good way to parent. My parents have always been open about alcohol and sex, and as such I have never felt the need to binge drink, to prove myself. Alcohol lost it's taboo factor and was just another social factor.
BUT. Allowing 21 year old men to come to a 15 year old party. Lying. Placing the party in a motel in a bad part of town. Those are irresponsible and it's fantastic to see you cared enough to place an editorial. Hope you talked to your daughters about it, maybe explained why it was wrong. I actually have had a few enounters with adults trying to be "cool" with teenagers. Personally I think it's kinda sad.
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Aug 06 '02
10:04 am PDT
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Some really good points (Reply to this comment)
by Greatpilgrim
I enjoyed your essay, and was appalled, though not surprised, by the behavior of this "mother." I know some might (and some have, evidently!) rationalize her actions by saying, "Almost all 15 year olds have slept around and drank," but what if some of the girls at that "slumber party" hadn't? That mother was putting them in the position of being raped and forced to drink. They can never get that purity back again. Thanks for standing up for standards and good motherhood!
Victoria
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Mar 21 '01
9:10 am PST
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I guess I can (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
close my mouth now. I am appalled and think that "Mom" should go to jail. Unbelievable,
but thanks for sharing it. My sons are grown and on their own, but maybe other parents won't assume parents will act
in a responsible manner. Suzi
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Dec 06 '00
12:56 pm PST
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Watch Out indeed (Reply to this comment)
by mcswarsik
It's a shame when parents don't care about their kids and equally damaging when they try to be their friends rather than parent.
Great editorial
Mike
mcswarsik
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Nov 12 '00
12:39 pm PST
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This is a very serious issue with teens. Thank goodness your daughter did not attend this slumber party! (Reply to this comment)
by Mimi369
Thanks for sharing this information with the public. Mothers need to be aware of the parents of the children that our teens are hanging out with. I have yet to meet the parents of a young boy who seems to be negatively influencing my son. Bad Mimi.
:-)
Mimi
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Oct 22 '00
7:19 am PDT
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Re: My jaw is on the floor... (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
Nothing in this editorial has been exaggerated. I have since found out that even more happened.
I have confirmed it with other parents, whose children were at the "slumber party". Some of the girls told their parents exactly what happened.
Thanks for reading
Trish
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Oct 20 '00
9:43 am PDT
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My jaw is on the floor... (Reply to this comment)
by nvisages
I'm completely shocked. As I was reading your review it got worse and worse and what kept running through my mind was, "No. This couldn't *possibly* be true..." I can't even fathom this- a parent renting out a hotel room for her teenager to have a sleepover at? What? That sounds like the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm shocked that there is someone out there who would do this and the other things you mentioned. I really am. I don't mean to go on and on without much substance but, honestly, I'm too stunned for words.
Do you mind if I ask: I'm just wondering- do you think this could have been be exaggerated at all by the person who alerted you? I totally understand all your feelings. I'm just so shocked that something like this could happen- to me it is so incredibly out of line for a parent to do any of the things you mentioned.
Well, I suppose what I have to say that is really worth anything is: I'm glad you found out what you did so that you now know to be careful when deciding what your child will (or will not) be doing with this woman's family. You found out without having to go through the anguish of something happening which directly involved your daughter (if she were to have gone and something happened there is what I mean).
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Oct 20 '00
12:58 am PDT
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What a horrible experience (Reply to this comment)
by mrssmoopy
Just my two cents, but this person should be charged with endangering a minor!!! I feel the same way you do!!! Jamie S.
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Oct 19 '00
6:43 pm PDT
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UNBELIEVABLE! (Reply to this comment)
by YYvonne
I might have called the police!
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Oct 19 '00
5:13 pm PDT
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Please (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
report her to DSS or whatever agency is in your state. She is breaking the law and needs to be stopped. I'm not as stunned as you are..I've seen it before! btw, I do the same thing..no editorials until a review :)
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Oct 19 '00
2:41 pm PDT
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:) (Reply to this comment)
by merlot
First of all I can't understand why someone would SR this because rating is supposed to be based on how well you write and you did a great job with this.
You are a great mom, I know this because I know you. And remember what I told you... you can't trust someone just because she is a mom...after all Susan Smith was a mom!
Hugs,
Michelle
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Oct 19 '00
2:02 pm PDT
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Re: My SR (Reply to this comment)
by MommaBare
you're welcome- I may be a bit wacky- but I LOVE my kids too!
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Oct 19 '00
12:43 pm PDT
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Re: Oh my Lord! (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
Thank you Kristy for your comment. Yes, it is scary to think about it! Just a word of advice, when you do have children, try to be a big part of their life, I have learned that it is very important. :-)
Trish
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Oct 19 '00
12:10 pm PDT
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Re: Teens need SAHMs too! (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
I agree with you. When it comes time for me to get an occupation outside of the home, and if my children are still at home, I plan on working while they are at school. Children need you, no matter how old they are!
Thank you for your comment
Trish
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Oct 19 '00
12:06 pm PDT
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Re: My SR (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
Thank you Mommabare, you said more than what I was thinking AND you said it very well.
Your support is appreciated!
Trish
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Oct 19 '00
12:04 pm PDT
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Re: My SR (Reply to this comment)
by MommaBare
Again, your ignorance is appalling. You know what I know,
A) You have no children.
B) You are a psych or Philosophy major or something similar, and you have a false sense of intelligence. (It shows)
C) You are seriously sexually frustrated.
D) You have poor communication skills
E) You have absolutely no intuitive nature
You, sir, are aggravating, and this is probably your intent, deep down. The sense that you attempt to construe from what small bits of information your brain can process, is worthless. Let me explain something to you.
When You have a kid, (if) you meet many moms and dads, and kids along the years. You know your kids' brownie troop leaders, cheerleading coaches, PTA moms, soccer moms, families who attend your church or youth group, etc. The list is endless. As you go along, you gather bits and pieces from most of them, without usually becoming very close to many, (but a few), and you maintain a certain sense of 'community', among parents. We all believe that there is a common welfare attitude, you know, the "It takes a Village to Raise a child" attitude.
When a child is led astray by another parent, there is a definite sense of betrayal. One that is felt deeply. When you have a child, and you are a loving and devoted parent like BryRrose, these inconsistencies are unbelievable. Because you know your capabilities, and values, morals and judgements are sound, you believe other parents' to be similar. It is a sense of disappointment, betrayal and outright disbelief that she feels.
I excuse you from not understanding any of that because you are after all, a male. And you have no children, whom you are raising in a scary world. I also excuse you because of reasons A through E, above.
Now go study.
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Oct 19 '00
10:33 am PDT
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Oh my Lord! (Reply to this comment)
by foreveraGAgirl
Now, as you know, I am just a young woman myself, I am only 22. To think that this woman allowed people my age to party with her 15 year olds is quite outrageous! My mother would have been just as mad as you if anything like this had ever happened! They had no business being there, and this woman is inviting her daughter to do things a 15 year old has NO business doing.
Things like this make me scared to have kids! If it is this bad now, I dare to imagine what it will be like in 15 or 16 years! God help me!
Another great review as always, keep it up!
Kristy
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Oct 19 '00
10:02 am PDT
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Re: Great review! (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
Thank you for your comment, Eva! I really appreciate the positive feedback.
Trish
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Oct 18 '00
10:56 pm PDT
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Great review! (Reply to this comment)
by Dunkjam
When it comes to your children, they expect their parents to look after their welfare. I wonder what that mother's daughter thinks of her mom now? I feel that mom is giving her daughter mixed messages! Our children need our guidance and our protection from harm. I cannot imagine a slumber party at a motel!
When my daughters were in school, I always had the parties at my house, so I could supervise without being too obvious! I always liked for the neighborhood children to play in our yard, and I never worried about how great the yard looked where they had worn out the grass playing ball! Thanks for a great epinion and take care. Eva
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Oct 18 '00
10:48 pm PDT
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Re: Good point (Reply to this comment)
by MommaBare
(the friends MOM likes to drink, not my daughter or my daughter's friend, they are only 12)
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Oct 18 '00
10:39 pm PDT
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Re: My SR (Reply to this comment)
by BryRrose
I did not judge her on the fact that I never met her! I wrote my epinion on the fact that I have known her as an aquaintance for 8 years. I never stated that I have never met her. We have worked at school together and my daughter has been to a few get togethers with her daughter and vice a versa.
My whole editorial was to make sure that you know exactly the type of person your children will hang out with. When I assumed, I could have made a big mistake....
Trish
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Oct 18 '00
10:39 pm PDT
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Good point (Reply to this comment)
by MommaBare
Never trust anyone with your kids. I didn't let my daughter go to the beach with a parent this summer because I know she likes to drink, and I couldn't be sure that she would watch my kid. My daughter thinks I shouldn't ask parents all the questions I do, but you know what, just because I have good judgement, and I am careful, and watchful over my kids, doesn't mean someone else is. Yea, I know most kids will drink, try pot, try smoking, at least once. But- having a parent lead them into it is really sick. Thanks for the editorial. (Don't worry even though my reviews are crazy and silly, I am a very good mother)
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Oct 18 '00
10:38 pm PDT
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