Michelle Kathryn, our lil angel
Feb 14 '00
St. Patrick's Day almost 19 years ago took on new meaning for me as I was told that the baby that I was carrying was no longer a live baby. What a shock this was to our whole family.
I had three girls prior to this baby, with no major problems whatever. I just assumed that this delivery would be the same as the others. With about a month and half to go until my due date, I suddenly realized that I wasn't feeling very much activity....I waited a few days before going to the Dr. figuring that the baby was just in a quiet mood. What a shock when they couldn't get a heartbeat! I was at the Drs. with a girlfriend, (didn't have my hubby Michael take me because I was sure that nothing was wrong)and was so unsure of how to go home and tell my husband and three little girls that the baby we had planned on having would never live in our home.
My girlfriend kept the girl's outside while I told Michael, although I believe the look on my face told him everything before the words could be spoken. We then brought the girls in and told them the sad news. Even though the youngest daughter was only 3 I think they all understood and I felt that being honest with them was the best gift that we could have given to them at that time. I know we all cried a lot, and took pictures of Mommy's pregnant tummy as a reminder of our precious baby. We put together a baby book, different than most of course, but with the sonogram picture that we had while she was healthy, and condolence cards and anything that was a reminder of their little sister.
One of the things that I do regret is that we didn't take pictures of our lil girl, Michelle Kathryn (named after hubby & me)and that we didn't let our girls see her before we buried her. I think we were trying to protect them, but now I think we denied them an opportunity to meet their sister.
She weighed in at 1 pound 11 oz. and was 11 1/2" long. She was a beautiful very little girl. I remember thinking when I saw her, that she looked very much like a little old lady, with no fat on her pink body and very thin skin yet...but otherwise just perfect.
One Christmas family got together and bought a star that is given our Michelle's name, we have framed the certificate and feel blessed that she has a very shiny spot in the heavens.
Almost six years ago, our youngest daughter Melissa, named her first daughter after her little sister...what an honor this is to our baby, and to a Granddaughter that I swear looks just like what I think our Michelle would look like. A little Pixie face..a wonderful reminder of our Angel.
I think that our children have a natural feeling about death, as a result of this experience. It is sad, and yet they know that it is a part of life also. We as a family speak of Michelle often and even though she never lived in our home, she has always lived in our hearts.
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