Who Am I? The Need To Know.
Oct 31 '00
As an adult that was adopted by my parents when I was an infant I feel that I have a pretty good understanding as to what an adopted child goes through when it comes to wondering about their heredity.
The first thing I would like to say to the adoptive parents is, please don't feel threatened when and if your child wants to search for their birth families. In many cases denying their adopted parents by this wish to search is the furthest things from their minds. I realize there may be some cases where the adopted kids just aren't happy with their parents and family and feel that maybe life would be better with their birth families but I really feel this is more likely the abnormal than the normal.
As I was growing up and especially when I was a teenager I admit to on a rare occasion wondering how my birth mom might have handled a certain situation. Of course this was always during an altercation that my parents and I were having and I felt that they just didn't understand or I felt they were wrong. What child has never felt that way? It was during those times that once in a while it would flash through my mind as to how my birth mom might have felt or if because of the genetic connection that maybe she would have understood better. Looking back now I seriously doubt that she would have felt any differently than my parents did nor would she have understood any better. They were usually conflicts that now that I am a parent I totally understand why my parents felt the way they did. I just didn't have the maturity and the good sense at the time to make good judgements on my own.
My parents, and they were my real parents in my eyes and I was their real child in their eyes, had always realized that I may want to try to find my biological parents some day. I had been told that if I wanted to search when I was of age that they would support me in that endeavor.
As the years passed I certainly thought and wondered about my birth mother. I didn't dwell on it but I always wanted to know if I looked like her, if I had any brothers or sisters and naturally if she ever thought about me. I wondered about my heredity. I wanted to know what nationality I really was and what was my medical history. Certainly I wanted to know why she placed me for adoption. I wanted to know this even though I never bore her any ill will nor had I ever held a grudge against her. As I said I didn't dwell on these things but they did nag at me from time to time.
My parents were wonderful. I loved them and they loved me. We were a family just as assuredly as if they had given birth to me. I was happy. They took good care of me and taught me good values. But all this still didn't stop me from wondering about my true physical heredity.
I don't think that biological children can really grasp the concept. When you are adopted there are just so many unanswered questions that you want the answers to. Imagine not having a clue to the answers for those questions. As happy as I was there was just something missing. I think everyone needs to know exactly who they are and where their heredity lies. Naturally a medical history provides more than just satisfying a curiosity. Having your medical history can help alert you to any possible hereditary diseases that you need to be screened for and it gives you a heightened sense when noticing and paying attention to any symptoms that you may have.
When a friend helped me find my birth mom and family almost two years ago I got the answers to my questions. It made my life complete. I now know where I came from and who I am. I know that my birth mom is a diabetic with an adult onset so I know I need to be aware of any symptoms that I may be diabetic and I need to be tested at intervals. I know who I look like, I know what nationality I am and I know that I have two brothers and a sister. I know why she placed me for adoption and that yes, she certainly did think about me. It was complete closure for me to now have all this information.
Did finding my birth mother and my true identity make me love my parents any less? Of course it didn't. These were the people that raised me and were always there for me. These were the people that loved me and made sacrifices for me. They were my "real" family in every sense of the word. No one can ever take that away nor replace it.
I realize that all situations are different but chances are good if your adopted child wants to search for their birth parents it may very well be that they are actually searching for themselves. They have nagging questions that need an answer. They need to know who they are genetically. It may be easy for you to feel threatened but please try to understand their need to know. Your being supportive can make it easier for them. Please try to just let them do what they feel they need to do. If they have success in their search be glad for them and if they don't and it turns out badly for them be there to support them and pick up the pieces. After all that is what "real" parents do for their "real" children. Right?
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
junebug531
|
|
Member: Carol Gay
Location: Norton, Kansas
Reviews written: 131
Trusted by: 95 members
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.