It's a CHOICE, Not a Value Judgment
Dec 30 '00 (Updated Dec 16 '03)
The Bottom Line Make a choice that is right for your family and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to justify it to them.
I may lose a few on my WOT for this. I may also get a lot of SR & NR, but after a few reviews I've read the last few days (and not just on this subject) I think it needs to be said.
Let me preface this by stating that I tried to breastfeed all three of my children. I made it one week with Melinda (refused to latch on), a month with Janine (colicky) and so far 6 months with Danny, though I do supplement.
(Update: Danny is now 11 months old and is weaning himself!)
There should be no real debate on this. If you choose to breastfeed, fine. Great. Wonderful. I'm happy for you, your child, and anyone else it may matter to. If you can't breastfeed or you simply choose to bottlefeed, fine. Great. Wonderful. I'm happy for you, your child, and anyone else it may matter to.
I wanted to breastfeed, but it is not the be-all-to-end-all of my existence as a mother. I don't know why this competition has started to come about: mothers who have to prove they are better by not taking medication during birth, by breastfeeding, by disciplining a certain way. Every child, every family, every situation is different and every one of us makes a choice that is right for us. Just because I do not make the same choice as someone else does not make anyone's choices less valid.
I've seen too many people on both sides justify their decision by putting down people who choose the other. If you are confident in your choice, you should be able to stand by it without putting down other people. (Note: this applies to any debate involving value judgments, not just breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding.)
A person who breastfeeds is not doing it to give others a show in public, or to gain attention. It's not "icky" or "disgusting". They are doing something perfectly natural for their baby. There should be more support of this in society, and I mean real support, not being shoved off into a crowded restroom. Walt Disney World has probably the best baby centers I have ever seen (too bad there aren't more than 1 per park).
At the same point, a person who bottlefeeds shouldn't be treated as if they are putting poison into their baby's system by giving them formula. I have been fed the most ridiculous arguments by well-meaning people who are pro-breastfeeding.
I have been told that:
(1) If you bottlefeed, your baby will be less healthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I got so many comments and emails on this statement alone. Yes, breastfeeding is best if you can. But if you can't, giving a baby formula will not cause cancer or make them sick. In discussions with my pediatrician about formulas and my concerns, he said that I was probably passing more bad stuff onto him through my diet than he would get drinking formula. Caffeine, preservatives, additives, sugar, processed flour, pesticides, etc. are all cause for concern. At least one of these will probably turn up in everything you eat and will therefore be passed onto your baby. Some breastfeeding mothers continue to smoke cigarettes - and smoke in any form should not be around an infant, never mind the nicotine passed on through the breastmilk. Some babies stomachs are sensitive and react to certain foods that the mother eats, just as they will have difficulty with certain formulas.
While breastmilk is most definitely the best for your baby's stomach, it is not the end of the world if a woman cannot or chooses not to breastfeed and she shouldn't be told all sorts of Internet Horror Stories to try to badger her into doing what some people decided was best for them. There are so many ridiculous stories out there that as soon as I start reading an epinion with something akin to formula has rat feces in it I stop reading it and refuse to rate it.
All three of my children are very healthy, they rarely get ear infections, severe colds or stomach viruses. Their pediatrician can count on one hand the times they've been into his office for a sick visit. Genetics and/or a predisposition at birth has a lot more to do with a baby's health than whether they get breastmilk or formula.
What I am saying is, brestfeeding and/or bottlefeeding will not make a healthy child sick, nor will it cure child who suffers from various conditions. While it may help if a mother passes on certain antibodies from her own system to her child, that has to be weighed against other feelings she might have on the subject.
(2) You won't bond as much if you bottlefeed. What good is breastfeeding if both the mother and child are miserable? If a mother ends up dreading when her baby cries, the baby is going to know it. I am close to my son, and I was just as close to my daughters. Having both breastfed and bottlefed, I can tell you that there really is no difference in the bonding.
If anything, I began to dread it after a while when my son cried. Especially having 3 kids, it became harder and harder to breastfeed. I began to feel that I was neglecting my older two in favor of a baby who always seemed to want to feed.
I finally managed to get some relief from these feelings when I figured out a schedule of breastfeeding and supplementing on my own since the local places which are supposed to be supportive of breastfeeding do not want mothers to have anything to do with supplementing.
This probably kept me breastfeeding longer than I would have, but there is no real help out there for balancing breastfeeding and supplementing. It helped with my husband having time with his son to feed him, my daughters got time to feed their brother, and I was able to take care of their needs as well by allowing the bottles to be given when I needed to deal with another situation.
(3) Everyone makes enough milk for their baby. What would you do if there were no bottles? Not true at all. Wet nurses were around before bottles, so obviously not all women could manage to breastfeed.
If a parent does not think their child is getting enough nutrition or growing adequately just breastfeeding, then there should be help as I mentioned above for balancing breastfeeding and supplementing. It can be done - I did it.
(4) Mothers who breastfeed have their priorities straight. Breastfeeding keeps you with your baby, where you belong. This has got to be the most insulting thing I ever heard, and someone actually did say this. Their priorities are fine; they are doing what's good for their family. No one is saying you have to do it for yours.
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There is no denying that there is something in a mother's breastmilk that just cannot be reproduced. However, I have my doubts about a lot of the scientific studies and what they say. The latest thing is saying that a breastfed baby is more intelligent. Tell that to my 11 year old (bottlefed) who is one of the youngest in her class but is also one of the smartest in the Challenge program. They are also saying that breastfed babies are less likely to have a problem with obesity. Tell that to my 6 year old (bottlefed) who was on supplements because she wasn't gaining weight.
The problem with scientific studies is they are generally biased. I am working on an opinion specifically about this now with the help of a friend, but the problem is this: a mother who bottlefeeds is not automatically a neglectful mother who may not provide the most healthy diet for her child and teach them poor eating habits. But, a mother who does not provide the most healthy diet for her child and teach them poor eating habits is most likely to be a mother who bottlefeeds! So is it a personality issue or an issue of what a child was fed for the first year of their life?
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There needs to be more middle ground and we all need to work together. Motherhood is not a competition, but many people are making it out to be. I am not putting you down if I do not make the same choices as you. Your choices are good for you and your family. My choices are good for me and my family.
More can be done to help mothers who do want to breastfeed as well. So many start and give up so soon because of people who are so zealous in their pro-breastfeeding stance that they put off mothers who sincerely want to do it. A cousin of mine was having difficulty breastfeeding and called the La Leche League. She was told "I don't care if that baby is screaming, you get the bottle out of that baby's mouth and put him to the breast." Well, she gave up entirely after that and didn't even try with the second one. I figured out when I was miserable with Danny and he wasn't gaining weight that if I gave him one bottle at night, it saved my sanity. Maybe offering this type of advice - how to successfully breastfeed and supplement - would help keep more people breastfeeding at least somewhat instead of turning them off.
We should all be able to make choices that are right for us, without being persecuted by those on the other side.
© 2000 Patti Aliventi
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Member: Patti Aliventi
Location: Mount Washington Valley, New Hampshire
Reviews written: 2083
Trusted by: 689 members
About Me:
Now writing reviews to pay for the "out of network" costs of our health insurance...
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