Hey, Mom! Wipe My
May 04 '00
…But enough about my day – how was yours? Did you find yourself being periodically summoned against your will to the nether regions of the house to perform a chore so repugnant, that none so far have had the courage to write about it? This is one job you won’t see on anyone’s resume.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that plaintive whine – come to think of it, I may just have stumbled upon the best idea yet for a new earning program! Yes, I know, I have already treated you all to a rather lengthy treatise on the finer points of potty training, but I inadvertently left out what I personally consider to be one of the least-talked about features of the process. You’ll hear lots of parents bragging about how their kid was potty trained by the time their umbilical cord fell off, but what percentage of those claiming to have fully-trained kids are actually closet behind-swabbers?
You thought that you were scott-free when you finally got that kid potty trained! There you are, doing cartwheels in the baby aisle at Wal-Mart because you don’t need to buy any more diapers or pull-ups. Lucky for you, your little one had decided that you will miss changing their pants so much that they have reserved the best part of the experience for you – the final wipe.
I would liken the experience of trying to stop wiping your child's behind to that of trying to wean them from the breast. Just this last time – and that’s it! I really mean it this time. This is the absolute final time!
That is, until your child becomes a raving lunatic on the potty, turning your own words against you. “But you said if I don’t get it all off, I will be itchy!” Frightened that you might possibly impair their psychosexual development, you cave.
Obviously, the best way to avoid this scenario is never to start. I have finally learned the error of my ways with my 3rd child, but until recently I was still on duty for kid #2. The problem was, the first 2 were so close together, I didn’t have time to figure out what I was doing wrong and fix it before the next one came along. Therefore, I am addressing this editorial to those of you who are already stuck, as I was, in this predicament. You need a way out. And I think I have one that works.
As for my first-born, he is no beaming success story. He was a very wipe-dependent child. I finally laid the law down when he was almost 5. That’s it, I said one day close to his birthday, when you turn 5 – you are on your own. He begged and pleaded, but I held firm. He wasn’t happy about it, but after a little instruction, he started doing it on his own.
Today he still cannot manage to wipe himself with anything less than half a roll of toilet paper. After clogging the toilet a few times, he started throwing half of what he used in the waste can, thinking I wouldn’t notice. I have tried to impress upon him the unsanitary nature of this practice and encourage the wipe-flush-wipe-flush routine (no matter how many repetitions are required!) but he still tries to sneak some past. Frequently, plunger-use is still required.
So why, until recently, was I still struggling with my 5-year-old daughter? I tried to give her the same ultimatum, but found that I was much too exhausted with the new baby to follow through. I took the path of least resistance. Much to my annoyance, I found that it was a toll road.
I did manage to get her to replace her usual plea with the less-descriptive “I need help!” I unsuccessfully tried to discourage her from asking at all by telling her that it would be a long time until I would be able to wipe her as I was changing/feeding/trying to get the baby to sleep. She, in turn, would count until I came in. “I got all the way to 50 that time,” she would announce when I finally got there. I guess that was supposed to make me feel bad. Her tenacity did pay off. Like the moth to the flame, I kept coming back.
Each time, I would gently remind her (Okay! Okay! So not always so gently!), “Look! All you’ve got to do is wipe and check! Wipe and check! Got it? When it comes out clean, you’re done!” Until recently, she was adamant in her refusal.
I think I have finally found my salvation, and no, it’s not by making my husband do it. What has finally done it for us is flushable kid wipes (the wipes, that is, not the kids, are flushable – pardon my dangling modifier!)– specifically, Charmin Kid Fresh Wipes. I suppose this review should technically be in the diapering accessory category, but since that and all related categories have mysteriously vanished from epinions, the potty training advice category will suffice for the time being.
Hang on a second - you DO know that diaper wipes are not flushable, right? If not, you’d better have the number for Roto-Rooter handy.
Charmin Kid Fresh Wipes come in a box about half the size of diaper wipes, holding about 48 wipes. At about $2 /box, they are more expensive (I pay about $2.50 for 84 Luvs wipes, on sale or with coupon), and smaller in size than diaper wipes, but their flushability, combined with the small size box gives them a clear advantage over diaper wipes. The small size also makes them easy to stick in my purse or diaper bag. Remembering to bring the wipes when we go out is not so easy, what with the 5 or so brain cells I have remaining – but at least when we are home I am no longer on wipe patrol!
Now, if I could just find someone to bankroll my new earning program idea before word gets out about these flushable wipes…!
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Epinions.com ID:
Esther4kids
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Member: Esther Morris
Location: North Carolina
Reviews written: 45
Trusted by: 117 members
About Me:
Motherhood is not for wimps!
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