Our Journey to Find an Answer
Sep 14 '00
This is such an intensely personal issue that it is difficult to write an opinion. I would never try to force another person into my way of thinking, nor would I judge someone for choosing to circumcise their son-- especially if it is done for religious reasons. I merely want to share the journey that my husband and I took in deciding not to circumcise our son.
Whew! We Don’t Have to Decide!
When I first found out that I was pregnant in 1998, my husband and I started discussing our views on circumcision. My husband was half-heartedly for circumcision, based on the “look like Daddy” argument. I was half-heartedly opposed, not wanting to cause any unnecessary pain. When the sonogram revealed we were being blessed with a daughter, the topic was dropped (for obvious reasons!).
Guess We Do Have to Decide After All
In August 1999, we learned that I was once again expecting. After some arguing and crying (on my part), we decided to table the discussion until we knew for certain what sex the baby was. This time, we were blessed with a boy. Unfortunately, this brought about two major points of contention in our home: circumcision and names.
My husband, being a typical man (ooh, I see some NRs coming for that one!), stood firmly in his pro-circumcision stance without wanting to delve any deeper into the topic. I, on the other hand, felt that this was not the type of decision to be made uneducated, so I began a quest for information and opinions.
Our Friends Are Useless
Very few of our friends have babies and only two have sons. Both couples that have sons had chosen to have them circumcised; one couple was pleased with their decision and the other couple had mixed feelings due to an infection that developed from the incision. Neither couple had done any research or had any insights into why circumcision was the way to go.
My Brother Will Kill Me If He Reads This! Thankfully, My Dad Is Computer-less.
Fortunately, my mother broached the subject with me (not one I was too comfortable bringing up with Mom). When I told her my husband’s stance, she informed me that not being like Dad hadn’t hurt my brother. While my brother was circumcised, my father was not. Throwing caution to the wind, I asked my brother if it ever bothered him that he wasn’t like our father. He was surprised—he hadn’t even known that our father wasn’t circumcised. Furthermore, he wasn’t too keen on discussing the state of my father’s, err… manhood.
Now It’s My Husband’s Turn to Kill Me!
This led my husband to talk to his family. He, too, was surprised to find out that his father is uncircumcised. Neither of my husband’s brothers was aware of the fact, either, and all three brothers are circumcised. My father-in-law confirmed that none of his sons had ever questioned the difference, even when they were young.
The Locker Room Debate
After my husband’s previous argument had been shot down, he turned to the locker room debate. He was concerned, as are many parents, that our son would be ridiculed for being different. I looked up some statistics on the internet and spoke to a pediatrician in our neighborhood (not our own pediatrician). Both indicated that a large percentage of boys are no longer circumcised. Although the statistics vary, it appears that around 40% of boys are uncircumcised.
My husband and I talked this over and concluded that more parents are choosing not to circumcise their sons. Our son wouldn’t be the only one to be uncircumcised and would likely have a large number of classmates just like himself, if we decided not to circumcise him.
I Fired Our Pediatrician
When I was about seven months pregnant, I took my daughter in for a check up. I was beginning to feel uneasy about our pediatrician for a number of reasons (see my review on Picky Eaters), but asked for her opinion on circumcision anyway. She was insistent that it must be done. Without circumcision, our son would have multiple UTIs, would be very difficult to keep clean, and be subject to any number of atrocities. Our doctor attempted to force us into circumcising our son, but was unable to provide any documentation to support her view. I left the office that day with my daughter’s records, never to return.
I Hired A Pediatrician
As we chose a pediatrician that did not go to the hospital where our son was to be born, I had to find another doctor that would check my son in the hospital and perform a circumcision if we desired. On a referral from my OB/Gyn, I found a wonderful doctor. I talked to her on the phone at length regarding circumcision. Her first reaction when I told her we were leaning toward not doing it, her response was, “Oh, I’m so glad! Please don’t.” I was astounded. I inquired as to why she felt this way and she stated that it is totally unnecessary. The doctor told me she hated performing them and had almost convinced her partners to have their practice refuse to perform circumcisions. She also stated that the one study done regarding an increased frequency of UTIs in uncircumcised males was a very small study and only showed a slight increase in infections in uncircumcised males. This confirmed the research I had done on the internet, but being a lay person, was uncertain if I was correctly interpreting the data. I also contacted the new permanent pediatrician we had chosen and she agreed that circumcision isn’t medically necessary.
What It Boiled Down To
My husband and I spent many evenings making this decision. We finally concluded that there just did not seem to be a medical reason to have our son circumcised. If we had a baby with a large nose, we wouldn’t have cosmetic surgery to “correct” it, so we didn’t feel that appearance was a justifiable reason for having the procedure done. Our religion takes no stance on circumcision, so that was not a factor, either. One by one, we discarded the reasons for having our son circumcised.
Not only were we able to refute the reasons for having our son circumcised, we had many reasons not to do so. It is a very painful procedure performed on a very new baby. After just going through the trauma of birth (and yes, it is traumatic), we didn’t want him to have yet another terrible experience. We also concluded that our son is perfect exactly how God made him. This also leaves the option open to our son at a later date. If he wants to be circumcised, he can make the decision himself. Yes, it would be very painful. However, if we did have him circumcised, he couldn’t change that if he wanted to be uncircumcised.
Oh No! What Have We Done?
When Levi was two months old, he began running a fever of 102.5, considered serious in such a young infant. Two days later, we were contacted with test results: Levi had a UTI and we were to go immediately to the hospital and admit him. We were there for 5 days. Fortunately, his fever subsided before he was even admitted and he was never in any pain.
I had a long discussion with Levi’s new pediatrician while he was in the hospital. I was overcome with guilt, thinking that I had caused this by not having him circumcised. She was able to assure me that many circumcised babies also have UTIs. The doctor confirmed that it is possible he wouldn’t have gotten the UTI if he had been circumcised, but there was no way to know. She did, however, give me some reassurance. My son was in no pain from the UTI even though he was hospitalized. He was his normal, happy self. Circumcision, however, would have been painful when performed, and the incision would have been sensitive for quite some time. She strongly encouraged us NOT to have Levi circumcised at this point. She said if he suffered from multiple UTIs, we could discuss it but it wasn’t necessary at this time.
We Did Make The Right Decision, For Us
Levi is now five months and hasn’t had another UTI. We have had no complications from not having him circumcised. It is no more difficult to keep him clean than a circumcised baby. We made the right decision for us and I will make the same decision if we have any more boys.
Again, I’m not trying to force my decision on any one else. I do hope, though, that our journey to make a decision will help others who are pondering the question of whether or not to circumcise. Before coming to a conclusion, make sure that you are well educated on the benefits, risks, and possible consequences of both sides.
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Epinions.com ID:
illini
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Location: The brink of insanity
Reviews written: 30
Trusted by: 28 members
About Me:
Happy New Year!
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