Divorce doesn't stop the feelings
Mar 03 '00
Divorce is never an easy decision. Even when two parties agree that the relationship has come to an end and a divorce is eminent, the act of divorce can be painful.
Just as with any loss, the ending of a relationship can bring with it a world of emotions. Pain, anger, guilt, and fear are just the tip of the iceberg. The parties involved in the divorce must be able to handle these emotions and not let them get in the way of rational, intelligent decisions, especially when children are involved.
Divorce should never be a hasty decision. If a relationship has come to an end, whether from loss of feelings for the other party, infidelity, abuse, or any other reason, then it should be a mutual decision to take steps to legally end it. However, if both parties have feelings for each other it may be worth the effort to attempt to continue and improve on the relationship rather then end it due to difficulty. It may be a long, emotional, and often frustrating task, but if a relationship can be saved it will all be worth it.
Marrying young and after giving birth to my first of three children, I found myself in the middle of a divorce only four years later. It was a situation I knew would occur only months after my wedding day. However, I took it upon myself to try to contribute what I could to the relationship in an effort to keep my “family” together. Even though I was not “in love” with my husband, the divorce was very painful. I felt as if I had failed. There were numerous times when I found myself wondering what I could have done to save the relationship or what would have made it successful. I realize now, the answer was not in me…
Often times after a divorce, the parties will attempt to keep their feelings inside to appear to be “strong.” By doing this other feelings may arise. For example, I would often get angry with my ex-husband for small, insignificant things because I felt he was happy about the divorce while I was feeling guilty and sad. It was not until I found out from a mutual friend that he often felt a deal of loss due to our divorce that I realized he and I were both hiding our feelings.
Allowing yourself to grieve over the loss of a relationship, whether or not you loved the person or wanted the divorce, is a natural part of the healing process. Just as you can’t heal a cut of the skin in a day, neither can you heal a wound of the heart….
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Epinions.com ID:
Carma
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Location: Virginia
Reviews written: 43
Trusted by: 36 members
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