*I'm* the Mom
Dec 09 '00
I can't believe I'm going to throw my hat into this ring, but I've been waiting to write on this topic for a while, so I shall. :)
I'll start off by identifying myself as a breastfeeding mother of an 11-month-old baby girl. And by reading that sentence, I'm sure that most of you reading this review think you already know what I am going to say.
I've spent time on parenting sites on the web discussing the Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding debate, and I've actually been called a traitor. Yes, a traitor, because, you see, I support all women in their choice of what to feed their babies. I'm upset that there is any debate at all.
If I was living in a Third World country, I would appreciate everyone telling moms that breast is best and formula is evil incarnate. In those countries, I honestly believe that formula is the WORST thing. They don't have the money for formula; they water it down to make it last longer; they use contaminated water to mix it in the first place. And babies die. But I don't live in a Third World country, and what is really disturbing to me is that what many people on both sides of this debate have forgotten is that we are talking about a relationship between a mother (and maybe father) and her baby.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I read books and went to breastfeeding education classes, and went to every web site I could looking for information. When the formula companies sent me their samples, I passed them out to friends I knew were formula feeding or supplementing. I didn't want any temptations in the house that could tempt me.
And tempt me they would have. At 3 AM when I was dead-tired-exhausted and the baby wouldn't latch on and my breasts were so engorged that I swore I had bowling balls in my bra and my sheets were soaked from leaking all over the bed I was sorely tempted. And even further on down when I found that some of the breastfeeding mantra was generalization (yes, my breasts WERE sore with a perfect latching baby... I have sensitive skin and nipples... yes, I got my monthly visitor back right away with no pauses, or interruptions... no, I never felt that let-down so odds were my shirt was soaked through to an embarrassing degree before I noticed) I wanted to quit again and use formula. But I didn't because it wasn't what I wanted, and here I am.
There are some mothers who choose formula. That is their right, and I consider that as mothers, it is their privilege. It does not concern me if it's because they couldn't breastfeed or the concept just didn't seem right to them. The problem is that they are made to feel guilty for it. Even well-meaning breastfeeding moms will say "Well, it's okay as long as they know the risks." Isn't that just more guilt?
I have a cousin whose son is two and a half. She confided to me that she still feels awful about not breastfeeding. When she was pregnant, she made the decision to formula feed and was comfortable with it, until she had her son. Then the nurses and her friends all pressured her, and she hated it. Just hated it. She didn't feel comfortable, so the baby cried hysterically and wouldn't latch, and it was a frustrating three days for her until she got home and gave him formula.
She actually asked me if I thought that she didn't bond properly with him because she didn't breastfeed. If somehow her son was going to be damaged because sometimes in the middle of the night his father was the one who fed him, because he could. Is this what we are doing to ourselves as women? Instilling guilt on a regular basis that we drag around behind us?
The most important thing for a mother (and father) to make sure of is that baby is happy and healthy. By happy I mean content, and what baby will be content with a mother who is doing something that she is not comfortable with just to please society? Is that helping the mother/baby bond? And what about the fathers who want so badly to participate in the daily care of their babies? Some women, even women who breastfeed babies for longer than a year, cannot pump enough for a bottle. Are fathers just supposed to be relegated to a "diaper, bath, play" role with no input?
I had pressure from both my family and my husband's family. I was formula fed, and my husband was an extended breastfed baby. Neither of us has had any catastrophic illnesses, or is discernibly more intelligent or well-balanced than the other. My husband is the one who had tubes in his ears as a child, and I am the one who has a better relationship with my mother. There is no reality to the stereotype, and nothing holds true for every parent with every baby.
And I guess that's my point. Every parent makes the decisions the best they can, based on knowing themselves and their child. Why can't we just let that happen? Why can't we let parents parent their own children, just as we'd like to parent our own, without anyone telling us our decisions are right or wrong?
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pippadaisy
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About Me:
Divorce seriously cuts into the amount of time for reviewing.
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