Self esteem should be a natural part of life.
Sep 24 '00
Over the past 10 years or so, "self-esteem" has become quite a buzzword. All through the 90s, a myriad of books have been written, and policies implemented to encourage our children's self-esteem. But with all their efforts, our children's self esteem doesn't seem any higher than it was 10 years ago, or even 100 years ago, for that matter.
As I see it, the problem with the whole effort is that it IS an effort. Too often parents, teachers and public policy makers try to force the issue of self-esteem rather than letting it come naturally. Take for example, the popularity of children's books with terribly "encouraging" titles like "I'm Glad to Be Me". OK, but who ever said you shouldn't be glad to be you. That you are glad to be you should be assumed, not shoved down children's throats. Children aren't that dumb. If it seems to them that you are "ordering" them to be glad to be themselves, it is very easy for them to figure out that maybe it isn't so obvious.
Or take "Take Our Daughters to Work Day". It shows up every April and is supposed to give our daughters self-confidence by traipsing them through offices once a year, rendering the work day worthless because the office is being taken over by school girls having the "self esteem" doctrine forced at them. Beyond the problems with the concept of why the people who care so deeply about our daughter's self esteem don't seem to have any particular interest in our sons self-esteem, there is the bigger and more serious issue that it just doesn't work. No girl's self esteem gets improved by being taken to her mother's office once a year. All she learns from this is that she gets a free day off from school and the boys don't (the boys learn this too).
Or take the issue of "contests" where there are no winners. In many schools today, no one is supposed to feel like a loser, so everyone wins. Children are handed prizes for simply showing up. In sports, this is no big deal, but it occurs with an academic issue, it can teach children all the wrong lessons. Namely, that self esteem is handed to you just for existing, and that you are supposed to be congratulated just for being you.
So, what is the answer then? If we can't force self esteem and we can't order our children to have it, what can we do to encourage it. As I see it, we can help children develop self esteem by realizing what self esteem is. If you are saying "I want to develop my child's self esteem" you have the cart before the horse. It is not the goal, but the inevitable result of achieving other goals. You don't get true self esteem by being told "It's OK if you get every question wrong, as long as you are glad to be you!". You get REAL self esteem by trying and working and studying (and maybe doing badly a time or two) and then breaking through and learning. Real self esteem is earned. It can't be simply handed out.
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Epinions.com ID:
Almacks
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Member: Dana Sherman
Location: New York, NY
Reviews written: 51
Trusted by: 28 members
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